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4 is the magic number
 
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post #64
bio: stu
perma-link
7/11/2005
14:13

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Now accepting applications
A position just opened up in my organization, and I thought I would give my fellow happyroboteers first crack at applying for this prestigious job.

Wanted: One (1) woman for me to fall in love with hopelessly, stupidly, illogically. No prior experience necessary.

Qualifications: Must be charming, beautiful, funny, smart, and hopelessly unattainable. All people who I may have a shot with will have their applications rejected summarily and without mercy.

Must be some combination of the following:
  • More than 500 miles away
  • Married
  • In a long term relationship with someone you love deeply and would never leave
  • hopelessly out of my league
  • Not looking to date anyone at all
  • Actually a lesbian
  • Have dated a family member or close friend of mine
  • A fictional character (1st priority goes to Lorelai Gilmore or Franny Glass, should they apply)

Job Duties:
  • Ignoring my constant pining for you
  • Giving misleading signals whenever we interact
  • Being heart-rendingly charming, beautiful, funny, smart, and hopelessly unattainable (see qualifications)
  • Reading assorted emails written under the influence of alcohol and sleep-deprivation (a casual acquaintance with returning phone calls or emails is preferred). Light filing involved.
  • Complaining about your inability to find love / ignoring the love I offer freely

Pay: Everything I have to give and more. Salary negotiable.






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