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post #98
bio: stu
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11/14/2005
00:08

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Favorite Things
drinking
· The Flaming R. Kelly
eating
· Malfatti
listening
· Johnny Cash
reading
· Chuck Klosterman
watching
· Deadwood, Seasons 1 & 2


Previous Posts
Notes on Sobriety
Republicans Are Tough Guys
Brain Fog
Clown Posse
Uber, but For Wrong Numbers
On the Greatest Political Satire of the 21st Century



Portmanteau

Category List
Alcohol
CSA
Favorites
February Smackdown
Hospital
Literary Shit
Mad Craziness
Portmanteau
Random 10
Stupidity
Women


 


I Am A Thorn, I'm Told
Now All We Need is A Portcullis

This weekend in New York CIty 18 out of 19 of the subways that were supposed to run were running on an altered or drastically reduced capacity. The L train--my evening connection to the island--was cancelled entirely, pulled up like a drawbridge to keep the hipsters from crossing the moat of the East River. There was a marked decrease in the number of ironic moustaches and trucker hats worn down on the Lower East Side, and for a brief time, the only ways to really get to the places you needed to go was take a cab, drive a car yourself, or get on a mortally wounded subway system. For a brief evening, New York City became Los Angeles.

Four People Named Chris Walk Into A Bar...

Klutch and Qdog showed up for a brief weekend sans karaoke, and joined Honky and me for a couple nights drinking and intense rocking out to Weezer. There are no stories that can really be repeated on this family website, but we must apologize to everyone for not drunk dialing them at any point over the evening. It was a regretable lapse on our part, and we promise that any future robot conclaves will include tag-team drunk dialing, possibly with video, of the likes that you've never seen before (since last weekend, at least).

HoDos..."

...means "hot dogs." Just wanted to make sure everyone was up on the lingo.

God of Small Things

I have managed to assemble and wrangle three large bookshelves up stairs and around corners, putting them in the ideal location where they fit perfectly, entirely on my own. I suspect this makes me some sort of god, though probably not a major one. This could just be good old-fashioned hubris speaking, though that in and of itself might make me a god. I'll keep you updated if any more divine powers manifest--I suspect my godhood might also demand I start fathering children with unwilling nymphs at any moment.

If you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes

Seriously, what the hell is up with this weather? Hot, cold, hot, cold, warm, cool, hot, cold. My nutsack doesn't know whether to sweat or shrivel.

This Is Not A Joke At All

I've been thinking of trying crystal meth. Is there any reason to stick to brand-name meth, or do the generic mom-and-pop brands work just as well?

Business card slogans and comments

I've been struggling to put together a calling card, with my address here and phone number and email and all that sort of stuff. I'm not a graphic designer in any stretch of the imagination, but I just need something functional. I've also decided I want a slogan or quote or something like that, and I'd love some advice on the list I've come up with so far...what's good, what's horrible, and what might be good enough for gov't work. Some of you might recognize these--there are a couple quotes from robots here.
  • "A Great Grab Bag of Wit"
  • Putting the Fin in De Siecle
  • Obtainer of Rare Antiquities
  • Raconteur, Roustabout, Writer
  • Curmudgeon, Cynic, Misanthrope
  • Proud Member of the Algonquin Kiddie Table
  • Scribbler
  • Today's Solutions, Tomorrow!
  • Navel-Gazing for the 21st Century
  • Lazy Solutions for Postmodern Living
  • Snark for the Short Bus
  • "Vicious, but Brilliant"
  • Drinking to Success
  • Thorn
  • Crank
Thank you, that is all.






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