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post #242
bio: stu
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2/6/2009
16:25

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Notes on Sobriety
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Uber, but For Wrong Numbers
On the Greatest Political Satire of the 21st Century



February Smackdown

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Cringer and Battle Cat
Everyone is always talking about how weird it is that no one can tell that Superman and Clark Kent are the same person. Seriously. I was on the subway the other day and everyone was having the same conversation. It was weird. And then ninjas came and killed everybody, except for the pirates. I love my commute.

But that totally makes sense to me. I'm bad with faces, and names, and totally would believe that people would have trouble telling one blandly handsome guy in a suit and glasses from another blandly handsome guy in tights and no glasses. Especially if one is a clumsy nerd and the other can make time travel backwards by flying around the Earth fast enough. You'd be surprised at how much context matters for recognizing people.

What I never understood, however, is how people weren't able to tell that Cringer and Battle Cat were the same creature.

Seriously, how many talking green six-foot long tigers can there be on Eternia? I wouldn't be terribly thrown off by one wearing a saddle and a battle mask. At the very least I'd take a second look. There must be something in the waters of Eternia keeping people stupid. I'm guessing it was lead. I hear the Roman Empire had the same problem: lead from the aqueduct system made people stupid and kept people from realizing that Commodus was roaming the streets as Janus the Avenger.

Prince Adam, of course, has the same issue. He-Man is so obviously Prince Adam without a shirt on, wearing bondage gear. Oh, and he has a sword. But Prince Adam has a sword, too. It's what he uses to turn into He-Man, so of course he's carrying it around. He reminds me of those guys back in college who bought novelty weapons and played around with them on the college quad (like, oh, me and my friends).

Still, you'd think the first person Adam has sex with would figure it out pretty quickly. Man-At-Arms is probably just being discreet about it, so his own secret doesn't get out. Man-At-Arms has enough problems, after people learned he was the brother of Fisto and commented on the fact that his helmet looks like a penis wearing a condom.

He-Man: Masters of the Universe is, in retrospect, kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

"Man"-At-Arms, or Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Fisto! Or, He Who Fists You






















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