A Recreational Dose And but so I'm working my way through Infinite Jest again as part of Infinite Summer, and I can't help but think about addiction, since, of course, that's more or less what all 1,000+ pages of the book are about. And of course addiction is something that a guy with the sobriquet "Post-Modern Drunkard" should at least consider here or there, from time to time.
Plus of course I take a pharmacy's worth of pharmaceuticals these days, a number of them allegedly habit forming, Xanax and Ambien among them. The big guns, though, are the narcotics. Over the last year I've gone from
Morphine injections to
Morphine drip to
a 72-hour Fentanyl patch placed over my heart to
Oxycontin (both Slow Release and Immediate Relief, at the same time) and then finally back to
Vicodin, with whom I'm hanging out for awhile.
I've taken a lot of these drugs, and I've taken them regularly, and I have to say that in a year's worth of using, I haven't had any fun on these drugs. I tell people what I'm taking, and I see their eyes light up, and I'm weirdly jealous of their jealousy.
I take these drugs, and they help with the pain, and I have no desire to abuse them. I know that's an unalloyed good thing, make no mistake. I am not mourning that I'd make a shitty drug addict. It's just the look in their eyes tells me that they have really enjoyed these things, and I do not have nearly enough things I really enjoy, these days.
It would, in a ways, be nice if I could literally had a presciption to be happy.