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Less of Me

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post #9
bio: vera
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10/19/2004
02:42

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Think About It
Torture. Spies. Dumbass.


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History lessons continue
Friday Night History Lesson
Recommend your favorite poet?
Repeating a rite of passage
Write it over the top she said
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· Fidel Castrol "My Life"
watching
· movies starring Sean Penn



I'm finally coming "out" and admitting that I'm losing weight. For awhile, I'd deflect the inquiries from others, and say, "Yeah, right, with my nocturnal eating habits there's no way I'm losing weight," and I'd ignore the "you are getting skinnier" comments. I was so afraid if I talked about it that people would bug me and I'd have to answer to them. It was a secret weight loss plan, but the secret exploded recently because there's no denying there is less of me now.

I'm nearly to the halfway mark of my goal—25 pounds each side (You can't see me, so what the heck, I'll admit I WAS 50 pounds overweight) and I'm starting to notice some very nice things.

One of these is that I have a shape to my face. It's not a structure-less round object sitting directly on some football quality shoulders anymore. I have a heart-shaped chin, a charming dimple in my right cheek and...cheekbones! Wow. Cheekbones. Not those classy kind from the Cherokee gene pool, but nevertheless, these slightly angular shapes popped out a couple pounds ago. And I have wrist bones, ankle bones, collar bones and my nose lost weight; I can't believe it.

I have a hollow at the base of my throat and I've lost one-and-a-half inches off of my neck so I wore a choker today. (I've measured everything even elbows.) Two men I work with stared at me and my ultra-slim silver choker with an Anasazi frog pendant. It's silver, too, and has turquoise eyes. I got it at Mesa Verde. I love the stares more than the compliments. Men are men, and they notice "something's different" but they don't quite know what. It's hilarious.

I work with a shopaholic who has not worn the same outfit in four years. She shops Goodwill and Nordstrom's—doesn't matter where—and brings in huge bags of clothes for me to try on. She's worn them once or not at all. The problem is, she keeps wanting to dress me in pants and suit jackets. Funny how different people think I should dress. Putting on a pair of pants and wearing them to work is anathema. I have worn pants three times in ten years to work and I think two of those times were mornings my house had no electricity. I wear dresses because they allow movement, they make me feel I am at "work," and when I get home I can put on jeans or shorts and feel relaxed.

Also, I confess that I don't want anyone looking at my butt after all of this time until it's at the destined weight. It's just a thing I have going. What I'm hoping for is that The Gray Man will fall off of his chair when I stand in front of him wearing (hopefully size 8) pants because then he'll see what he's been trying to see for a long time. I'll be a sensation in the hospital; I expect to get a Pants Party. I want pants in every rainbow color with built in belly control and I think they should be made of brushed 300 thread-count Egyptian cotton.

This boyfriend I had 13 years ago took me on a skiing trip to Keystone (Colorado). Slooshing down the mountain together, he made me go first every trip down. When I complained he said, "You have the best- looking ass I have ever seen; I would follow that ass anywhere on the mountain." I kept my black size 8 ski suit from that time for years....when I donated it to the thrift shop I thought of him, like I was donating part of him, or at least a good share of the memory.

He was so enamored of me and my derriere that he asked me to marry him on the chair lift. I think it went something like, "If I were to say, leave Natalie, would you, um, hook up with me? Move to Colorado? Marrrrrrry me?" I choked out a "Are you for real?" (This was the one and only time we met.) He still calls me, but he has bad knees now, (and a wife) so we won't be going on a celebration ski trip when I'm done losing weight. Too bad.

You know how I've done it? I gave up three foods: Lattes, Costco Muffins which contain 1000 calories each, and Night Foods. The Night Foods were very dangerous. Don't tell anyone, but I used to get up in the night and grab a bag of chips, go back to bed and fall asleep eating them. Sometimes, I'd wake up with brown smears on my pillow, orange crumbs in the sheets and an assortment of wrappers on the floor by my bed. How sad. I wouldn't even remember chewing and swallowing. I was a true addict of Nocturnal Eating. I think I inspired the 12-step plan for this addiction.

I'd love to hear someone else's weight gain/loss story. Because it's so dang hard losing weight when you love FOOD. Oh, I also gave up alcohol. That made a huge difference because I never ever had "just one drink." It's not in me to exercise self-control normally, that's what's so amazing about all of this.

I'm getting regular signals to eat as I write this. After all, it's nearing midnight. Should I raid the pantry and eat my daughter's Cheeto-s? That's a tough call. I'll see how it goes, but I think I won't because I really have worked hard and my daughter is a tough unit to deal with when her lunch foods are MIA.


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