Who thought that was a good idea
Last night, I’m sitting in the kitchen working on a presentation on my laptop. I have my headphones on to block out the random “YEAAAAAAAAA!” being screamed by neighbors who are watching the SuperBall, and hence I didn’t hear that damn tiger coming up behind me.
See, we’d had hot dogs for dinner earlier in the evening. I had been thinking about our trip to Chicago and Chicago hot dogs in particular and the evening of the SuperBall seemed like an appropriate time to have hot dogs. We had pickles and tomatoes and spicy mustard and all sorts of things.
A few hours later I am furiously looking up the correct information for the percentage of certain grapes in that one Champagne when I’m suddenly jarred back to reality by the hot breath and huge tongue licking my neck and arms.
Oh, crap.
I’d been there working, as I mentioned, furiously and may have even worked up a bit of a sweat and I think I was actually sweating hot dogs (I’d wager no one has ever written that phrase before). What do tigers like more than anything? Salty things and hot dogs.
Sweet
You may think that is cute, but a tiger can go from friendly licking to piercing skin and eating you in mere seconds. I’d had two hot dogs, so I couldn’t really take a chance. I quickly reached around and grabbed the tigers tail and was able to spin him around (tiger claws don’t work on kitchen floors). Now I had the tiger, literally, by the tail.
Mrs. Robot was in the other room watching the Jane Austen marathon on PBS.
“Um, sweetie. Can you come in the kitchen? The tiger is trying to eat me and I’ve got it by the tail now. I think I need a hand in here.”
Mrs. Robot is not one to put up with a misbehaving tiger and strolls in with her sprayer full of ‘Tiger-Be-Gone’ (which is just water and a tiny bit of vinegar) and sprays the tiger right in the nose. Tigers, although they like water, hate being sprayed with it in the nose - especially when they don’t expect it.
“Bad tiger. Get in your crate.”
I let go of the tail and Mrs. Robot pops the tiger on the butt and points to his crate. He grumpily goes and gets in. I put the latch on.
Lesson Learned
Don’t eat hot dogs and leave the tiger crate unlatched.
