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Robot Journal

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post #371
bio: rich

first post
that week

Previous Posts
What the world needs now is a think piece about the pandemic
Music of Teens: K Tel's The Beat
#CocktailRobot: The Per Sempre
#CocktailRobot: The Fitzgerald
#CocktailRobot: The Aviation
#CocktailRobot: The Copper Cocktail

Category List
Apartment Buying in NYC
Bob Swanson
Election 2004
February Smackdown
Food and Drink!
Group Topics
I heart Brooklyn
Lists of things
Out of Context SMS
Rejected Love Stinks stories
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Snap Wrap
Things I've Owned
This I believe

My day as a movie preview with 'Hey Ya' as the soundtrack

"One two three go! - My baby don't mess around"
Alarm clock buzzes - it's 7:00am. I hit snooze.

Cue record scratch effect - song starts again.

"One two three go! - My baby don't mess around"
Alarm clock buzzes - it's 7:15am. I hit snooze.

Cue record scratch effect - song starts again.

"One two three go! - My baby don't mess around"
Alarm clock buzzes - it's 7:30am.
I sit up in bed, startling snoozing cat.

Cut to me in steamy shower using my huge green bar of soap as a microphone singing, "Uh, But does she really wanna but can't stand to see me walk out the dooor.."
[side note: at the office Christmas party, we all got little gift bags with fancy do-dads in them. The bags for the men came with this monster sized bar of crazy, eucalyptus-esque smelling soap. It's huge! Like, put you palm out - it's the length from your wrist to the tip of your middle finger. Actually, maybe longer. Don't disrespect the big green soap!]

Quick montage of my commute to work
"Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.."
A shot of me on the street corner gazing up at the skyscrapers with a "anything is possible" look on my face.

I walk into the deli to get my breakfast and the nice Bangladeshi man waves, and his greeting is synched up with the music so it looks like he is saying, "Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa".
Then we cut to me paying, and the cashier girl smiles and we zoom in on my face in time to the second "Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..".

At work
"You think you've got it - Ohh, you think you've go it"
Cut to me working at my desk. Spinning around in my spinny chair. Papers in hand. Talking on the phone.
This is kind of a boring part of the whole preview, so we add some ninjas attacking people in the office.
They are chopping and kicking co-workers left and right.

"Y'all don't want me here you just wanna dance"
"Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.."
I stand up, and grab my pants and rip them off. My clothes all rip off in one piece like a stripper revealing my ninja outfit underneath.
"(OHH OH)"
Zoom to ninja's eyes - look of surprise.

"Don't want to meet your daddy, OHH OH"
I go to town on the evil doers.
Punch, kick, jab.
"Just want you in my Caddy OHH OH"
Jab, punch, punch.
"OHH OH, don't want to meet yo' mama OHH OH"
Kick kick punch.
"Just wan't to make you cumma OHH OH"
Kick to the groin.

"Hey, alright now - Alright now fellas"
Ninjas strewn on floor - the lights suddenly dim, and disco lights come on. Somehow the office turned into a nightclub.
"Now what's cooler than bein' cool?"

Cut to office workers yelling, "Ice Cold!"
Then there is me, still in my ninja outfit, but somehow it has sparklie stuff on it - it has transformed into a ninja nightclub outfit. I yell back, "I can't hear ya!"
"Ice Cold!"

"Alright, alright, alright, alright Alright, alright, alright, alright"
Office workers dancing. Women are letting their hair down and taking off their glasses - look how pretty they are!

"Now I wanna see y'all on y'all baddest behavior"
Look! It's an elderly white woman dancing!
Comedy gold!

I grab a bottle of champagne off my nightclub'd office desk and pop the cork...
"You know what to doooo..."
Slow-mo of the champagne foaming out and spraying on everyone.

Somehow more people are wearing fewer clothes.

"Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.."

Camera pulls back over crowd.

Fade to black.

The End.

that is brilliant

can I be a co-worker that hands you the champagne then does the pointing move a la Isaac from the love boat?

»k ||  2/22/2004 ||  10:48:31 PM
"Hey're the funkiest white mofo no doubt around town!"
»t ||  2/22/2004 ||  11:15:24 PM
dude. simply brilliant.
»liz ||  url || 2/23/2004 ||  12:37:59 AM
Best. Robotjournal. Ever.
»chris ||  2/23/2004 ||  1:37:41 AM
reading that was like watching a movie in my head- or a movie preview. I don't know that song- but i could hear it.
you are the office disco ninja
»anne ||  2/23/2004 ||  6:25:00 AM
good one chief.
»jason ||  2/23/2004 ||  6:33:49 AM
Can the ninjas come to my work to show people how to dance?
»qdog ||  2/23/2004 ||  7:38:06 AM
»lisa ||  2/23/2004 ||  7:51:44 AM
Love it! Can you choreograph my life, too?
»pony ||  2/23/2004 ||  8:34:38 AM
love it!
»n8 ||  2/23/2004 ||  9:06:11 AM
I still find myself unable to tell you how awesome this is.
»stu ||  2/2/2006 ||  10:05:40 AM
god, that song just doesn't get old.
»blaine ||  2/2/2006 ||  11:04:59 AM
So, it's not your birthday today?
»kristen ||  2/2/2006 ||  12:22:02 PM

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