How I will redistribute your paycheck
When I, Senor Robot, am elected president of the United States, I plan to redistribute your paycheck. Yes, you, a hardworking American.
I will show up at your office work and force you to hand over your hard-earned paycheck to me: your new president.
You will be lawfully required to say, “Awesome President: Here is my paycheck. Take it.”
On the third Thursday of the month, I will have dinner with you and redistribute your place settings.
If you are doing laundry, I will sneak in and redistribute some of your socks.
When you are taking a bath, I will come by and redistribute hot water from the front of the tub to the back of the tub. I will also redistribute some of your hair care products.
Plankton is subject to redistribution.
During the Christmas holiday, I will come to your house and redistribute your gifts.
When it is raining out, I will redistribute your umbrella.
On Sunday mornings, I will come to your house and redistribute your Sunday paper (I’ll take the real estate section and the magazine).
If you are walking down the street whistling and jingling coins in your pocket, I will distribute some of your coins.
Friday Nights: Pants redistribution.
Every Tuesday, I will come by and redistribute your morning cereal (into other bowls and containers).
If you have a lot of siblings, we may redistribute some of them to other families.
When spending time with your grandmother, I may choose to redistribute some of her figurines.