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"The pin is what makes the mounted butterfly seen"
She thought of you. It had been ages. It was because of clouds.
Sitting here learning to live when online world tells her her ex and his third wife were visiting old friends and knowing that it's all dead for her while she lives. Even though she wrote "elegies to almosts", she very much loved her almosts. As she was walking along the victory lap, she noticed the clouds were in rare from (it neither rained much nor clouded much in cali) ... and dang Cullen (why not use your real name) if you didn't ruin her for clouds. In fact, even though thank god nothing happened with the two of you, she looks at it as the most amazing date.
She''s told the story before. she'll repeat it again.
It was the hell period after her first divorce and return to the ILM. She was raw as radial nerves and received by people who enjoyed cocaine instead of pot. It was a culture shock, yet she was so shocked she just jolted into the fray.
Her first night there, she had said to he and Sandy,
"you've both lost your mojo. you used to be magic. what happened."
"we're tired."
"we're broke."
She was there for the summer - parked in neutral to see which way the wind would blow her life. It had been so active and interesting. They swam in beaches. They clubbed all night. They talked. She finally was set up one day by Sandy with Cullen alone. She was shy of it, but went with it.
"want to go to the beach and watch clouds and tell each other what shapes we see."
"sure"
They headed towards Wrightsville Beach (never Carolina) stopping by the Scotchman by the Sea on the way. They were probably both nervous/excited and talking a mile a minute. She had known him forever - known his ex-wife (she was sooooooooo gorgeous and pure and cool) He had been best friends with the man she used to assassinate her first marriage.
So, it was an odd paring. They had known each other a lot, but never been in the same room together.
They talked about the times they had seen each other. The parties. The people. Of course.
"hey, do you remember that time at Level 2 when Bonnie, Sandy, Val, and I got up and danced? that was one of the only times I''ve ever danced in public. It was fabulous because I felt safe, and I really forgot about it and let myself go. Do you even remember it?"
He looked at her with his twinkling fabulous eyes.
"Kristen [I was going to use narcissi but since I'm outing], are you kidding me? do I remember it? Seeing the most beautiful ladies in Wilmington. I had never even really seen you - without mark."
"dude, I was probably high as a kite and mad or I wouldn't have been able to even try."
"weren't we all."
She paused. They were on the sand carrying a small cooler and walking through the sea oats towards the ocean gorgeous. They sat and watched the clouds. The waves went in. The waves went out. They named shapes probably.
Touch? she can't even remember - oh wait yes. They did not kiss the whole day. They talked. They exchanged electric glances. She loved it. They were probably awkward and getting their roles/bearings.
When dusk started happening, they just both headed back like it was an agreed-upon signal.
He had a house with a side screened porch. She didn't have a car. It was before uber was even dreamed of...
"I've got a really great bottle of Irish whiskey I've been waiting to open. Want to sit on the porch and share it with me?"
"sure"
She didn't even like alcohol - just beer and wine - but when in Rome. And she could drink anything if she wanted to.
They talked for decades.
She wished she could write some clever dialogue to let you know what they said. It just flowed. You remember. The music was blues. It was perfect.
Of course there was a full moon that night, and of course they watched it until it disappeared. When, it got higher and they got buzzier, they found themselves both inside. She nervously laughed. She'd never realized he was exactly her height. She'd never in a million years imagined.
"I can't believe you're here. May I kiss you?"
she answered...x
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