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And she just ate a turkey sandwich and thought about how they communicate emotion with their gobbler and she kind of wanted to hurl. She was the worst vegetarian lately, and it was sort of in keeping with her nation. It felt like everyone was going fucking nuts and the musical chairs game was becoming epoch.
The ants were getting finished up hauling off everything edible from the cardinal? dead bird and now it was mainly just the feathers. Everyone's gotta eat eh.
She was all way too thinky and keyed up like a thin e-string. One thing lead to another plus infinity. It was all she could do to keep from popping out of her seat every twenty seconds to check and see if a work email had come in so she could finally slacken. It irritated her to be ignored. She said out loud "how fucking long does it take to answer a fucking email" but another part of her was glad she might be somewhat sort of useful perhaps.
She had talked about her job with him last night. It was always surprising to her when he called - who called, but she was up for it and trotted out the voice. At the end of it all, she hung up the phone and almost cried.
"how fucking stupid I am. Why did I talk about all that shit. I hate talking about work, and now I look like a fucking loser. Why couldn't I just ask 'look, are you looking for other people or am I grabbing your entire focus'."
She couldn't ask because she was terrified of the possible answer. So instead, she contented herself with the notion that it didn't matter anyway. It wasn't like she was in a position to hedge her bets. She was always all-in and rarely played.
The next morning, she woke up after sleeping like a baby unexpectedly. She trudged into the living room at 5:50am thanks to the fucking purring prick-pawing fucking cat. Stumbled to her cup of ambition and fielded her 9-5 she did not. It was probably a problem that she wasn't very ambitious. She had seen people put it on their profiles. All she wanted to do was dream and occasionally have wild bacchanalias. She was done trying to tear the world up with her brilliance. Instead, it was survival. She knows she could technically do it all without a partner - exist; however, in her mind - the only thing that really mattered was love. The other stuff was just food on the table and set dressing.
The air was totally tense too. It felt like the skies were about to pour down. It had felt that way all morning. She had ventured to the auto store to see if they would put some replacement wiper blades on her auto. They did. When she handed him $10, she assumed he would say "please no. put that money away", but he didn't so she didn't.
It was going to be something.
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