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She had rarely felt more spent in her life. The mother had just departed, and Narcissi didn't even cry this time. Usually it was always tears and regret. Now, it was survival.
More than anything, now - she wanted to secure a weekend with the boy she introduced to most of her family. She wanted to know what he was thinking - if he had thought it all so overwhelming or fare-welling. She could understand very nicely, yet she'd prefer it if he went deeper every time he thought of her.
The leaves were jetting off the trees, and the low country was pretty good. She was most grateful for her brother's weed. She wished he had given her a doobie for the road, yet she probably would have smoked all of it last night. She could barely even pretend with her mother.
"I'm so sorry. I know I'm boring, but I just can't perform or talk right now. If aunt Linda's visit was this weekend, I'd tell her I had covid just to keep her away. I can't believe I even had to work during all this."
None of it was really appreciated, because there wasn't really anyone in her corner yet. She still loved him, but god was she tired. The morning walk was brisk, and the neighbor's yard dog - Zorah - accompanied her the whole way. She was certain that her mother would make it just fine. She had given her two cups of coffee. There was still sand on the Mexican blanket she had taken to Florida. that felt a million years ago.
She had wished she knew the rules at her sister's place a little better. She would have taken him to better places. Ir/regardless, it was all done. Whatever mysterious thoughts that were had were had. Her mother had seemed extra loopy, but whatever. It was hardly something she could handle. Last night, she had lasted until 9:30 then said "let's go read in bed." Narcissi fell asleep within five minutes. The mother stayed up until 2:30 then looked for booze in the kitchen to help her sleep (there weren't any she could find). Narcissi woke up at 5am and the little orange cat made her stay up. Tonight, she thought about sleeping in the guest room so she could sleep. She also thought of just taking the fucking day off. It was so hard to not feel like her engines were all too hot and humming. How to turn them off.
"mother just left. I'm drinking an Irish coffee."
"I love you."
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