|
The cards could not have been clearer. debuachery, ruin, queen of swords.
She couldn't wait to get tipsy today. She was counting the hours. The wind was up, and she was excited to stir. Gone was that period of time when she was numb and couldn't move. Now, she wanted to get it all out.
She used to get the ten of swords all the time. It's the ruin card. It means that it's dead. It's kind of a gift if you want to look at it that way - the battlefield has been abandoned. The body is dead with ten arrows deeply embedded in.
Narcissi wonders what she would have done if she'd gotten the Lovers. Would she have leapt up in hope and vanquished all her woes? Probably. She was so full of him. Memories popped in her head all the time - the walk in the arboretum - the last billiards game at that boring bar in highlands, the bored and closed expression on his face like a trapped animal the last time he was in her home.
Everything was heavy and empty now.
She slept with so many dreams last night - all with the room not sealed. The first one had had a beautiful islamic like tiled Italian studio apartment with a terrace. He had said "I love you. I want you to take my name." in a strong raw husky voice. then he went away.
After falling asleep the second time, it was a more modern apartment in some futures cape dystopia. The fireplaces were open like that dr. who episode. He had one foot out the door.
Tomorrow it was going to be cold again - not this bubble spring in winter.
The rainbow prism was shining those lights everywhere. She didn't want to even smell another man. She was still into you.
She wondered if it was all her fault for wanting you, but you didn't fight a pinky for her so it makes no difference.
the end
again.
|
