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Fifth wheel in da house.
She's going to go to her bro's for the weekend. Last night, she wasn't even drunk and texted him to go with her. He didn't answer of course. One of her favorite memories is him with her bro and nephew and coming in from watching footballl and saying "Narcissi, I'm going fishing". It made her so happy to see him excited, and she was so impressed he wasn't shy.
Today was the two month anniversary of the last time he entered her door. She had him do the tap on the window as she meditated and grounded laying down - why call it napping - waiting for him to arrive. It was a ritual.
She had loved it.
She can't even say she loved him in the past tense. She loves him.
flaws and all.
There's no way he can be as mega-awesome as she claims he is, but it was more like being infatuated and loving the novelty of having an equal. He might have thought she was a lesser, but for her - it was dynamite to have someone who she wasn't too fast with - too strange - too weird. Although, the only measurement she had that he liked her was that he showed up. He never reneged on his commitments, and he once said, "I just like being around you."
It made her sing, but of course
shit changes.
Today, she only had two cans of peaches in the house - leftover from when she made him a peach cobbler. Because she didn't want to go to the store or spend that money, she made herself a peach cobbler. She was little concerned with having the body of the decade obviously.
In fact, she realized she wasn't really interested at all in ever getting back on the auctioning block and dating again "want me". She had liked him. She compared everyone to him. She was just going to sit suttee for a bit. Fuck it.
The peach cobbler was pretty good. It's a rather easy dessert to make, but it still wasn't like her grandmothers. Oh well.
Now there was a new plant dying. It was the calla Lilly. Oh well.
She read "May Day" by F. Scott Fitzgerald last night and realized she was a totally shit writer. It kind of made her sad. Oh well.
"and I'd give anything to kiss your full lips in greeting even if you never opened them to me again."
"Oh well"
Life ticks.
Life Tocks.
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