In honour of poetry month, I had come across an old entry from when I was 'kristen's words'. This entry appears to be from 10/12/01 (if you can believe the date on the bottom). So please excuse this regurgitation:
Life makes me laugh sometimes. I had to observe a high school class today as part of my exhaustive harrowing studies. It was soooo strange to be back in high school. It looked so different. The funniest part was that whilst pretending to write notes and observations on the class, I was really writing poetry! Of all things poetry. Is this what high school does to me? It's been about that long since I've written horrible poetry. Here's a snippet:
- You were talking all the way through my big speech. - I didn't care much, but it would have been so nice – so nice - If you would have wanted to listen
- I didn't dramatize the reason I was late. I just smiled and - Vaguely apologized - I was late because - I was late because I was looking at you in my mind - Juxtaposing you against me and the fall leaves
- I had the distinct impression - More than an impression - That you would never find what I was - Beautiful or good - And I wanted sooo much for that to - Happen
- So even though we laugh and kiss - I was late because I'm over this - I'm not settling with you (even though you're fun and new) - I'm over this, and I'm soooo sad you don't matter
Ah doesn't that just take you back? Anyway my lovely lover got the big vazzzectomy yesterday. It's odd because I'm a bit jealous. I wish it were me who were sterile. I feel like I'm a loaded gun. Luckily I believe in abortion, but it still isn't the most pleasant thing even to squash bugs that are in your way.
(My new idea is to write to you without having to explain myself. Normally, I would have put a parenthetical phrase explaining why I compare human embryos to squashing bugs, but I'm more inclined today to begin again writing for me and f- you. I'm over having the angry audience in my mind.)
In other new news, Mark and I were splurging at a Thai restaurant (we've recently discovered that we are much more in the carpe diem/stoic field than we are in the pessimistic one – however tarded that is), and I had a realization that we can take our show on the road. He has had a very tentative fledgling of a job offer in nyc. I had nixed it because I was over new york and had no desire to backtrack there. HOWEVER, faced with the possibility of Mark living in a sweet lil' Wilmington town but having to do freaky freelance or home depot OR having a stable job that gives him a viable outlet for his technical thirst but living in frenzied NYC; it was not hard deciding that I'm not as tied to this town as I appear. I wouldn't RELISH the idea of living in New york again, but it would certainly have advantages that I could glean. I'm almost now rooting for that possibility. Life is sooooo funny.