Petrified because I'm good at nothing. I have spoken about this with jane.
(she is off playing rugby for the first time and I'm sitting here NOT going to 'mark's house').
What am I good at? Other people have skills and interests. I think they all seem very content and compensated for their toils. It's that great unknown for many of us though right? How will it happen? the money. What am I good at? What motivates me? What will I take effort to do?
I didn't even mention love with mark and I did I. It's implied.
My skills - my proven skills are at getting my agenda of not having to do anything done.
and then there's the other universe.
Where I am just going through a hard depressing storm. It may last fifty years, but not forever? It could last twelve seconds.
You just don't know do you? Singers have sung it. Bards have barded.
I want to love. I want to matter. I want to be useful.