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The Decline
 
 



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post #239
bio: kristen
perma-link
12/12/2005
21:45

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Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

So relax. I'm off my high horse.

I'm abused.
I'm a fucked up minor with insecurity issues.

I've been amazed at my power to destroy.
Creating and gilding was very nice and lovely, but I finally worried and cajoled that other shoe to drop.

It's not a lovely feeling as you can imagine.
I honestly didn't know it was there - suspected, but didn't KNOW.
Maybe it wasn't there, and I am capable of conjuring too.

sad.

Delusions.

In fourth grade, when I had to move to canton from macon - it was the middle of the year. I was insecure, and I had this notion that I made up in my head. At first, I only used it at home, but later - I tried it at school.
It wasn't riduculed like I would have thought. Pretty soon, they just copied me for a bit. Then, we slowly all got bored with making invisible bars.

Life goes on.

---

My god, I would have pretended that everything was OK, and that I was all aboard until the crash. YOU would have had to pick it up.

Wow.

It's scary - because even in here - is the love. I have not seen a case like this quite before.

Of course, the delusion could get more complicated as the supplicant ages.

Remember me telling you about the patterns and the things I do? For some reason, I wanted to tell you that the first one was reading. So many summers, i can recall being in my parents' house reading all day. Never going out. I just read and was soooooo tired of it. I couldn't wait to grow up and do it all on my own. I was absorbing. I wouldn't fall into the beauty trap, the rich trap, the success trap, the booze trap... I was the youngest. I would learn from their mistakes.

High horse fallen.

I'm a douche like everyone else. Perhaps I could even win the tragedy war by saying that it's all such a waste even more - because I have so much I could do.

Save the world? yes, I'm coming.



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