Oh, I start things to write all the time. I can't seem to ever think they're anything but the usual whining rants, so I just close the browser and do my work (the kind I get paid for).
This entry will likely suck as well. I'm going all bloggy on your arse. I'm writing this for myself though mainly. I haven't been able to "unload" as I don't really have access to those kinds of people except for the faraway kind who don't really know the situations (except of course the Mark part)... blah blah blah.
Dudes, I cried so much in the past three days. Literally sitting on my grandmother's afghan (and often I'll remember the love we shared) and smoking and feeling pathetically sorry for myself. Cutting myself off from mark has been a buzzkill. He was usually my weekend entertainment, so they are empty now. Of course, it's my fault. I don't call any of my fledgling friends or attend parties I'm invited to - mainly because I feel like I can't put the "kristen party machine" into action.
Depression. Let me see if I have it - I'll go get the symptoms now - hang on a minute.
Here we go, yawn away.
You feel miserable and sad - Oui
You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy - Oui
You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible - non (I clean my hovel)
You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess. (oui mit food)
You feel very anxious sometimes - obviously
You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible - Yes
You find it difficult to think clearly - oui
You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time - hell yes
You feel a burden to others - I probably would if I had others
You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living. - Yes
You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do - ah yes
You feel irritable or angry more than usual - non
You feel you have no confidence - oui
You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them) - yep
You feel that life is unfair - Non
You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams - sleep like a baby