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Something Else

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post #319
bio: kristen

first post
that week

Category List
The ones about love
The ones about men

Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

Oh, I start things to write all the time. I can't seem to ever think they're anything but the usual whining rants, so I just close the browser and do my work (the kind I get paid for).

This entry will likely suck as well. I'm going all bloggy on your arse. I'm writing this for myself though mainly. I haven't been able to "unload" as I don't really have access to those kinds of people except for the faraway kind who don't really know the situations (except of course the Mark part)... blah blah blah.

Dudes, I cried so much in the past three days. Literally sitting on my grandmother's afghan (and often I'll remember the love we shared) and smoking and feeling pathetically sorry for myself. Cutting myself off from mark has been a buzzkill. He was usually my weekend entertainment, so they
are empty now. Of course, it's my fault. I don't call any of my fledgling
friends or attend parties I'm invited to - mainly because I feel like I can't put the "kristen party machine" into action.

Depression. Let me see if I have it - I'll go get the symptoms now - hang on a minute.

Here we go, yawn away.

You feel miserable and sad - Oui

You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy - Oui

You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible - non (I clean my hovel)

You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess. (oui mit food)

You feel very anxious sometimes - obviously

You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible - Yes

You find it difficult to think clearly - oui

You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time - hell yes

You feel a burden to others - I probably would if I had others

You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living. - Yes

You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do - ah yes

You feel irritable or angry more than usual - non

You feel you have no confidence - oui

You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about
them) - yep

You feel that life is unfair - Non

You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams - sleep like a baby

You feel that life has/is 'passing you by' - sure

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