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Rage and Seethe

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post #331
bio: kristen

first post
that week

Category List
The ones about love
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Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

Sad. Settling and Sighing.

Anyhoo, so the endings happened and one of the first emergency things I did was procure my firstborn to see what element she would bring into the pack.
Mark had been begging me to not make him a 3-cat man. I hemmed and hawed and agreed she could visit.

It's a visit.

Zizi (Pawpads, Padz, Tanny, etc.) is in my apartment right now - unless she jumped out the window - which is her right.

I gotta tell you people. I feel like a totally unfeeling and fucked upper.
It felt like having an intruder crowding my small space. The litter box alone! I trip over her food bowls. She is lovely, and I keep calling her the old names "Mommy's Special Friend" and "Almost a Human Little Girl"; yet, I don't feel the feel.

I feel like I'm obligated to play with her. I feel like I have to make her comfortable. I keep pretending she's scared and that everything will be OK, but in reality, I'm scared:

Where did my feeling for this animal go? Why am I such a freak that I get panick-y at the thought of having to care for another entity? by myself?

It also messes up the house and knocks things over and is - as I've told it out loud - living random beauty. But I'm horrible, and I'll return her to her daddy until I get my shit together. What is up with me? I had always dreamt of having a kitty to share my life with and a fat lap cat at that.

Start the cruxification now.

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