There have been many players in my pantheon of mirrors.
I think of you - Greg W. - how we played frisbee that day and you fell in love with me and told me that day that you had just done it and had told your best friend Ashley (a boy) how amazing it was... You had fallen in love when you hadn't thought you could. I, being a believer in love, tried you out. We had some very titillating make-out sessions. I especially remember going in your Honda Prelude at night during a wind-swept storm and you parked and felt me up, and I thwarted you like a high school girl (as in - after the hot and bothered got "almost there"). You taught me about the wedding present and you were amazing. You once told me that "when I'm 27 [like you were at the time], I would get it. really get it" I couldn't wait. Unfortunately, our two times at sex (I gave you another chance) were heartbreakingly bad, and I didn't love you in that way - no chemistry. We saw each other again months later (it was awkward for a bit). You told me that you would always love me - that I would always be in the club of women who you loved/love. I have stolen that from you because I think it's beautiful.
I had a dalliance with you Allen H. You were an excellent guitar player and wrote a song about me called "worst thing for me". I teased you on and then didn't go out with you because we kissed twice, and I didn't gel with your kissing. I really really liked you. I often used to make/still make? the mistake of letting my men friend's love me because I love the adoration. You died of a Heroin overdose/heart attack after about six years. We had seen each other in the blue post, and I joked around about the kissing thing and you said many many girls have refuted me. I loved you. I am sorry you are no longer here, but I don't know if I would have ever seen you again, so in a way many people "die" for us. I hope you got to go straight towards the light and avoid rebirth.
Then there was this guy Kevin (who kent's wife Wendy actually dated a while). He was a bouncer at Stemmermans and pretended to like the replacements. I took him home with me once, and we slept together but just made out. I was disinterested after this, and he gave me flowers (which at the time I detested getting flowers because they die).
There was Todd who came into Rare Cargo where I worked. He was red-headed. I (groan as I tell you again) had a red-head phase: allen was red-haired. This Todd was goofy and flirty and free seeming. He was a phlebotomist, and I liked his friends. He broke my heart when my (excuse me as I get indelicate) vaginal muscles would simply not allow penetration. This had/has never happened to me before. I was shocked and embarrassed. He never called again, and I was taught that there actually ARE guys like that. Lesson learned, and I cried a lot.
Bob Wall. He was a guy I almost loved a great deal. He was my first my best friend. I, unfortunately, used him a lot to buck my ego up. He was way in love with me. I loved that. I was 23. I was a jerk about feeling so insecure that love was my favorite drug (now it's pot eh?). He was red haired. He played bass with chuck and steve in waxing myrna. He was a great guy. We never even kissed.
Steve. We almost made love in shayna's apartment with Mike right next to us. I was 22. He was the guitarist. Chuck and I were broken up. He, Chuck, and I spent new years eve 1993 together watching a futuristic swedish shiny girl killer movie. He took me home. "One" was playing. I told him it reminded me of him. We used to sleep together in his bed. No sex at all. He once kissed me in the rain. He was a good kisser.