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Notes on Living Happily in the City


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Just a brief refresher, as the city's lovely this time of year, but will steadily ripen, and the stench and pressure builds over the course of the summer. Every city dweller with cash reserves leaves town, which leaves room for the hordes who will visit. Below is a very brief list, sincerely composed to benefit urban humanity.

1) There is a trash can nearby, trust that notion, it is true. Put whatever you no longer wish to carry, no matter how big or small, in said can. (Although it may seem adding to the debris in what looks like a garbage-strewn parking lot does little harm, it is someone's yard, and they are trying to keep it tidy.)

2) Pick up after your dog. (Most anyone with a heart loves dogs, but are you completely insane?)

3) However, if you have to hop over the moving stream of someone's urine, make a wish, as it's good luck.

4) Please don't gawk at beautiful women or celebrities. Like Seinfeld told George, "You get a sense, then look away." There will be someone new to gaze at any moment. And please don't turn your head, walk backwards, or make any stupid noises. It is okay, however, to gasp, or mutter "holy mother of g-d."

5) Cut your fingernails in the privacy of your residence, or pay someone seven bucks to do it for you. A rule of thumb is "If I cannot safely smoke hash* here, I should not cut my nails."

6) Take advantage of the parks, libraries, public concerts and performances, museums, galleries, theaters, walking tours, etc. Those things will make you happier than you would imagine, and most will cost little or nothing (but the price of exchanging a bleak soul for a shiny one).

*With the exception of Amsterdam, and maybe one of those cities in Canada.


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post #92
bio: john ball
perma-link
6/8/2005
10:21

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