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in truth, my burrow is beautiful I think. It does its best in the summer months. I still recall that winter of my discontent (this last one) where .
I can't decide whether I get scared when Edith goes to her "quiet place" - in this small abode, it's the space behind the chair I'm going to have to eventually sell.
or should I ship my stuff out?
the girl's going away party was all that's lovely in life. It was on a balcony overlooking lake Merritt and it was like an Amistead Maupin - Tales of the City and Mrs. Madrigal even. It was divine, and I drank white wine. As me and the bridge friend walked home, she noted how stressed and unloved that I felt to her. It is always so suspicious with the effusive females. I want to sometimes say "can I go ahead and get the disappointment you'll eventually feel in me over now so we can either grow or go?". Sigh. I'm not sure what I would have done without her in my social life - and now macon.
I have a list of questions I'm to ask myself and answer about money and reasons for GA but that's for tomorrow. I gave myself May to destress as the psychic said I need to bring my energy to calm and loved. Or at least that's what I'm choosing to hear - and she said to ask for help.
I was realizing that my second "attack" came when I was going to have to leave Wilmington. The first was when I thought the world was going on the wrong trajectory not choosing gore... galore and yada... I even tried to do the math - is my pension and such greatly reduced if I move? would I really want to stay here until I'm 65 and just do brief visits? would my job be just as secure if I move to another state?
there's always so much I could have done when it all changes. Static, I just want to attract gold/security and even wonder if I'm even living within my means. I keep trying to redo the math. And last night was so lovely I even looked up how much apartments cost, yet like with my marriage to Andrew, there's no one telling me NOT to move to macon for the free rent unless you MAYBE count if the psychic meant that when she said not to trust saviors who come and say they'll make it all better.
maybe it's for proximity. Maybe it's because I can't see myself dying here, but back I go...
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