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post #154
bio: katie
bio: victoria


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Friday, May 27, 2005

› by victoria

I have a weird thing with names. It's like synasthaesthia, only for names. When I hear someone's name, I feel it conveys so much about them. It's like instant stereotyping, only it has nothing to do with what the person's background or occupation or orientation is, it's just their name.

Names can use all five senses.

For instance, I will use some names of people that I know and have known, starting with myself:
I prefer to be called "Victoria" rather than "Vicki" or "Vicky." Why? Because "Vicki"/"Vicky" is a bitch name. It's the name of someone who stomps on top of other people's hands in their desperate climb to the top of the social heap. It's the name of someone who constantly flips their hair behind their ear, whose tan is way better than mine could ever be, and who wears tacky jewelry. Victoria is a unique name: well, it's unique because it's weird. I am definitely not a one-name-fits-all girl. Even though Queen Victoria was absolutely delusional and colonialist, I can understand certain aspects of her personality from stories like the one where her piano teacher told her to practice more, and she slammed shut the key-cover on his hands. Or how she used to dose up on marijuana for her cramps. I'm definitely not a Vicky/Vicki.

"Robin" makes me think of the bird--small, bright-eyed, and alert. It's a fast and fun name.

"Katie" is a practical, down to earth name that in a pragmatic and friendly way looks at you.

"Vera" is a regal name. It's purple, and velvet, and antiqued silver.

Biff's name is the sound of denim and open skies. It's like your favorite pair of jeans, only in a name. It makes you smile when you say it.

"Isabelle" is an incredibly sophisticated name. It's an old ivory-colored rotary phone with gold fixtures, and a cigarette holder held just so.

"Linda" is an open name. It's like when you stand outside on the top of a big hill and a huge breeze just whirls you around.

"Ashley" is the worst name in the universe. If you name your daughter "Ashley", you are destining them to a life of shopping here and being completely irritating as they shriek into their cell phones. (*the spelling "Ashleigh" and others also qualify for this diagnosis).

"Matt" is a loopy, absolutely off-their-rocker name. All the Matts I have ever known, save one--the one from the trip to Italy in 2003--always end up hitting on me in extremely creepy ways. I swear this is true. The first time was with a Matt who, while I was shaking with a fever, was trying to get all over me as we came home from a mutual friend's going-away party in highschool. The second time was a Matt who was hitting on me after a 13-hour day of canoeing on our highschool's outdoor summer camping class, and he was throwing himself all over me in a George Webb's as I tried to drink some water and recover from the 2nd degree sunburns that i had gotten that day, because I didn't have any sunscreen...

I tend to like unusual names more than typical-run-of-the-mill names.

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