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post #170
bio: katie
bio: victoria

perma-link
6/14/2005
14:34

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Ok, here goes...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005

› by victoria

sorry about 3 posts in one day. it probably seems excessive.
the first post, i just wanted to reflect on my feelings, and i feel more comfortable writing about them in french and italian than i do in english...maybe because of how i was raised, mixing all three languages up in one big neapolitan-icecream-meltdown.

when i write an 'art colony,' i write it with a completely open, honest, candid frame-of-mind. i don't hold things back. it's not easy for me to do. and in a time when i feel very emotionally 'raw' and in need of support, it becomes twice as difficult to do.

sometimes i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. sometimes i'm scared that i'll never be successful. i read all of your posts and in my head they sound like parties and laughter echoing in an marble-floored apartment building. or they sound like the stomach-clenching anticipation before a plane beginning its takeoff. they sound like concerts, like babies smiling, like bikes being ridden, like rounds of shots, like flopping back on a mattress in a room that's filled with sunlight muted by curtains and sighing.

what am i like? what do i want?

if i start asking myself these questions, i cry. i want to travel again. i want to know that everything will be alright. i want to have someone just hug me for five minutes and not let go. i want to see more, do more, bring more kindness into the world.

my posts are pale from lack of sunlight, and i am too.


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