lazy, bitter and jaded LAZY I have been so lazy since the new year. I have given up drinking for the next 4 months and now find myself just veging in front of my TeeVee watching Hockey every night. I have not been knitting like I should (the last thing I made was an 8 foot scarf for myself which I admit is a bit much even for me). I have not finished the big cleanout of 2004. And I have not had a drink in 20 days! Honestly, this is the hardest "dry out" I have ever had. I still can't believe I sat at Nancy Whiskey Pub last Friday drinking cranberry juice and seltzer for 5 hours. I can so use a drink right now it is not even funny (but I will be strong).
BITTER I am not quite sure why I am so bitter lately. Ever since NYE I just have not been very happy with things that have been going on around me. For instance, I found out some disturbing news the other day. I heard that this nerd that I went to college with actually got laid this year. I mean I know that is a good thing (people getting laid) it's just I don't really like the guy and I am not sure how he found someone that would "do it" with him. I mean he kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth like the ex-co-worker "Bob" (from last NYE) does and now A) I have this awful image in my head of the nerd having sex and B) he already got laid this year and I haven't. HE DID and I HAVEN'T. WTF! I know that is not the attitude I should have going into the New Year but it happened last year why not this year. Maybe it's because I have this trip coming up soon to Disney (in FL) and I am already thinking I am going to hate it. You know, because I hate kids and all and I just think it's gonna annoy the fuck out of me. I am trying to change my attitude I really am … we are staying at this hotel in the 80's section. That weekend I will be allowed to drink and drink, I will.
JADED Work is sucking ass right now maybe that is why I have gotten into this lazy/bitter slump. I work on 6 magazines. I didn't get a Christmas bonus this year (I really wasn't expecting one but it would have been nice) and the company is going through some changes right now that - well - don't sound too good. I don't think I am going to be compensated for taking on all the extra work they are giving me. I am bored with the routine, behind on my filing, overwhelmed (because the dayside shift is all about catering to the clients) and I never have a quite moment to myself. I am annoyed with my counterpart because I feel he doesn't do nearly as much as I do (isn't that always the way). I probably shouldn't be mad at all … I know I should be happy to have a job (21 months sans job I am appreciative of having one) but I have been there almost a year and it's a total rut. I really need something new. I want something fun yet challenging. I have planted the seed with my boss that I want to do something else. I just hope with the changes happening with the company that I don't get left behind in this position for another year.
I am really trying to get out of this rut. I am. The not drinking is not so bad – really. I use to do it years ago as a sort of cleaning of the system. I haven't had a "dry out" in 3 years so it's just a little rough but much needed. My body feels good I just need to start walking or something to get my fat ass in motion again. Then I think I will be on top of my game. I have to try and get to bed before midnight/1am (it's this damn west coast hockey games keeping me awake). OK those are my next 2 goals – 1) get fat ass moving again and 2) go to bed earlier. Baby steps … it's all about the baby steps!