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post #214
bio: elanamatic
perma-link
10/6/2005
16:54

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10.06.05

Things have been pretty messy in my head these days and I am not just talking about the state of my constantly-in-transition-oh-so-unkempt bedhead. It's the brain chatter. I can't stop the vicious thought circles from loop de looping until I am all out of synch with those everyday essentials like sleep and quiet breathing.

I am doing pretty well today. I woke up early and went to the gym but the whole time I was sweating it out, my mind was still churning away at stoopid little things like: Where should I take Nomi for dinner tonight? Will I have time to meet up with those other folks for a drink at the Beaconsfield after? If I go to Montreal in three weeks I will please the relatives but disappoint the Pino by skipping her girls night out. What do I really want to be doing with my life? Is my career that important? Could I truly survive the corporate world? (Yes.) Do I want to? (Unsure.) Am I working too hard or hardly working? What should I wear today? But if that's my last clean shirt what will I wear tomorrow?

And on and on. It's making me insane.

Eventually it passes and I learn to focus on the task at hand and ignore all the rattling. A healthy dose of music always helps.

Still, I always get snagged on the small decisions. I think the little choices are truthfully just distractions from the larger ones. Like my more shameless wants. My immoral wanton thoughts. My guilty pleasures. My dirty desires.

PS. Did you hear Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's child? Where have I been?


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