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Good for Tim for quitting smoking. I will stop smoking so much as soon as I calm down a bit.
I have officially entered the manic phase of my breakup. Last night I went to Mike's CD release party at the Reverb. I was already trashed from post-work drinks with fellow staffers, and feeling pretty mischievious (and meshugenah). I was early for the show, so I walked across into the bar where A. always goes after his show, and there he was with a couple of folks I know well. What was I doing there? I am completely insane.
I sat down. And I was just drunk enough to be calm and confident, but not slurry. I felt oddly normal and chatty. I ordered a drink and stayed for half an hour. And I took such demented pleasure in making him have to deal with me as a real person and not an abstraction: 'oh, poor me, I just fell out of love. I am so sad and lonely cuz I had to leave my girlfriend without ever warning her that my feelings were changing. Please feel sorry for me'. He was freaked out and kept dropping shit.
And sure, I do not feel as calm and normal as I was acting, but hey, I would not be the first of us to act one way when I was feeling another, would I?
I am fully aware that I am being an obsessive freak, but bear with me for the next little while. It will end. I am so manic right now, I am waiting for the next stage. wheee. Seriously, though, don't worry. This stage is fun.
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5.23.2002
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