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post #108
bio: stu

first post
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Favorite Things
· The Flaming R. Kelly
· Malfatti
· Johnny Cash
· Chuck Klosterman
· Deadwood, Seasons 1 & 2

Previous Posts
Notes on a Pandemic
Notes on Sobriety
Republicans Are Tough Guys
Brain Fog
Clown Posse
Uber, but For Wrong Numbers


Category List
February Smackdown
Literary Shit
Mad Craziness
Random 10


Stu vs. Chris (Round One)
So I'm breaking my own rule here, posting twice in one day. But if it makes you feel any better, this is really a Honky Cracker post, since he's just asking for an ass-whooping, even if he's too retarded to post on it himself.

He and I, we're going to fight. We need to just kick the shit out of each other.

But before we get into it, we were just wondering what our fellow robots think of our chances. That is, who's going to win? I think I've got better chances in certain types of fights, but Honky's got some distinct advantages in others.

Our options:

  • Boxing: Marquis of Queensbury rules.
  • Fist fight: Fight Club rules.
  • Wrestling, either in a ring or a steelcage.
  • Bar fight: with a lot of people to dodge, but the two of us working our way towards each other with a barstool or broken bottle in hand.
  • Knife fight: whether it be "West Side Story" style with the wrists bound, or just an all-out Filipino Knife fight
  • Sword fight: I prefer a katana, but if we want to go rapier, I'm okay with that. If we can find that room from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," that'd be ideal.
  • Nunchucks: Probably we'd hurt ourselves more, but if we want to expand it, we can each choose our favorite weapon that a Ninja Turtle carried.
  • Full contact Capoeira: Like a dance-off, but with more blood.
  • Guns. Probably not at 20 paces, since guns are too accurate for that. I want a good ol' fashioned John Woo gun battle.
  • Most Dangerous Game: the two of us, alone in the jungle or forest, trying to outsmart each other and setting punji sticks up and all the traps and weapons we learned from watching "Return of the Jedi" as a kid.
  • Hockey Fight: On the ice, wearing jerseys, and with sharpened skates on our feet.

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