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she was akimbo.
almost had thrown the sweet orange neighbor's cat that came through the window to waken her twice at 5am and then 6am.
Back to life.
back to reality.
The grass had been kinda cut in both yards.
and even just now, her first love writes her that her first husband and his third wife were at a wilco show, and she thinks of sitting next to him on the bed crying.
All of the preparations from Savannah to Dublin had seemed to flow together. the hand and foot nail polish still had remnants in tact although she had left much of it at a bar table in enniskerry.
This morning that the orange cat has twice awakened her purring, she recognized she slept welll and gloriously shat well at last. There had been times when she had snipped at her mother.
Her mother had snipped at her.
"you know, it's kind of nice that even though she's 87, she's a bitch like us and just as petty."
Her sister agreed and kept happy because she had fuck you money and lots of time separate while the younger sister stayed with the mother who never wanted the older sister to know how lame she was.
Her mother thinks suddenly she's treated this way as she's old and statistically nearing death. The younger narcissi avers "mother, you've been a princess since you've married this new king. it's really nothing to do with age - and frankly when I mention wheelchair it's kind of like with you and that disabled man you travel with - it gets your entire party to the head of the line quicker."
"but you told everyone my age and they had to act surprised."
"oh well. we love you. suck it up."
It was better after a Guinness at the airport.
The granddaughters of the kings of Ireland and the one who gave it away and who he gave it to.
Life was weird and still in her craw rings the outsider status: they were all together - the people she loved with their wider loves and she was not there and maybe never would be again.
It seemed to be a time of letting go. again.
and speaking of new. it does feel like the family always pushes her into solving it with a relationship when she well knows any relationship would be an offshoot of the main plant.
"However, my god in Erin heaven how I loved you Irish men.... have NOT had an ego boost on the game like that since I was a hottie in the California Bay Area. it was external validation my god in Himmel you can write some blarney. THE BEST words I've had since the teacher and the cop."
and even thought he air travel sucked, it was interesting to converse with the young Mormon buck about the myth of why they believe we're here and past lives and ex machina and quantum chip and Lagrange's point and feel alive. Perhaps as her blarney brother says was true "talkin' is what we're here for. That's why we're on the earth. you can't do it all by yourself. It's just when you say the same thing over and over that it gets fucking old."
the sister kept her cool.
day two. the moon was full and she whisper howled.
missing it all.
and more?
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