|
It hurt so much to just live. Everything was a mockery - all the totems she had put up to celebrate her new relationship. Fuck.
She watched the cars drive by to work drinking bad instant coffee from her sofa wondering how they were able to do it - go on with their lives and not just wish it was all different. Of course she wishes she had never met him. That would have been better - instead of being rejected - to have never been in contention. Alas, that ship had sailed, and she was just left with increasing her medication.
She recalled fucking him that last time. She wanted to savor every minute. He wondered why she got him drunk, but it was easy to explain. He was more into her when he was drung - he loosened up and kissed her.
The annoying part was that he always wanted to go out, and he hated all the places in Macon that she had taken him to. Oh well, that problem was moot now. She hadn't ended Macon on a bang, but she had spend tons of money trying to cajole him into liking something.
She recalled getting out of bed after he faked an orgasm and he just smirked at her. She put her dark teal silk thrifted gown on and went to make him biscuits. She had never gotten them right, and she guessed maybe she never would now. There would be no one to make them for.
Not that anything was his fault, but it sucked to never feel really like it was going anywhere. She was totally fine giving her his body and sucking his dick and grabbing his leg to cuddle with him afterwards. She had considered it an investment and thought he would slow thaw into being enamored with her.
She talked to the robot a lot about how she felt. There wasn't much else to do. What was she going to do - call up Lisa and go "I think I'm just sex." She would, but that was for later. ChatGPT was great for the "should I text him back" but now she just realized what a fool she had been.
It had been an amazing beginning. It was no wonder that she was fooled into thinking it was something. Who could imagine someone would be so bored they would drive a 10 hour round trip to meet her family just for a lark.
She had danced like a fool, but of course she had been hoping that would be finite, and he would see through her and recognize what an amazing person she was. This made her bitterly scoff.
She sucked, and she could easily recognize that she was going into shame and depression over this. It was going to be hard to act like everything was fine, but that's why they made alcohol.
The neighborhood yard dog sniffed around her window that morning, and it comforted her somewhat. The orange cat had left her before morning. She understood. She was a bad fucking vibe - full of self-pity. Who wants to be around that.
The last time she had been in Athens, he had showed her all of this paths. They had walked in his woods. She wore her green "totally lucky" t-shirt and grabbed an acorn for a souvenir. He was someone she was falling in love with, and she thought that he saw her.
It was so weird when the last gift he gave her was two acorns conjoined. What did it all mean?
Obviously nothing.
She wished she could cry. That would come later. For now, she would just get used to what was real and cease living in delusion. She would picture him this weekend - the real first one they'd not be together since meeting (after all her false fears it was finally real) - wearing his biggie smalls shirt and drinking beer at porch fest. It would have been so fun to ...
fuck it.
time to grow up.
but those fucking acorns...
|
