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god that sucked.
to taste sort of something and then
back to nothing.
The grass had been cut like a fucking crazy person, but it got her sweating and productive. She didn't give a fuck but she did.
and the songs wafting through her damaged head - mostly "messy", "feed the trees", and "junior's eyes"... like a fucking dirge.
It floored her that no one that she knew could guess that going to Athens again - after the last time she had gone had been - fucking fuck to fucking fuck someone she loved.
and did she resist texting Leon like she had flirted with?
god know.
she went high calorie.
off the hook
insane.
"WANT ME!!!!!! what happened? why do I have to spiral into some fucking cliche of a mad woman because I loved you and ... goddamit."
nothing could be done, but she did it so much.
to see a band called the moutain goats.
to go to the graveyard finally.
to remember she was no different just more.
and him.
She only had a few instances where her too bright smile was left on automatic. The rest of it was fucking manna. sitting when it was all ok. (finding out his father taught him to be silent and his sister to feeb.) It had been so so long since she had been able to
let go
of
pretending to be ok.
she wept for a full fifty nine hours and amplified it all because there was nothing left to do.
She had tasted it.
shat it.
gone.
the moon had been full, but it was either the clouds or a tree. she couldn't see.
she wasn't even sure if she loved a real human or if it was all a made up delusion to distract her from all of it.
it felt like you were real though.
the hacks finale murdered her.
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