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She slept for the first time in ages - and only half a pill to launch it.
so many half measures
and she told you about it - why not. it was the correct thing today. You were her hand out of the mire. You were so appreciated. You are appreciated.
---
but I was in love with Leon.
you know this.
I know this.
the fucking ants know it.
partly, I had no business using your preternaturally skilled body to anesthetize my pain, but I did it.
For that, I have to own it.
My hope is that you got to have some fun too.
now, we sit with me having tasted
something I haven't sampled in quite a while
love
platonic (I'll research why it's named after Plato soon)
I got to talk talk talk talk talk and dance dance dance dance dance and be be be be
and I was included.
It wasn't as tight as the other ionic bonds, but I had some affinity.
it made me sick.
when I got home, I threw up metaphorically like dying dinosaur.
I don't know.
When I was there, it fucked with me. As you know, or maybe as you don't know - Athens holds my myth.
---
The house had been spectacular - it was a converted church with just the best privacy and luxury. It was walking distance to everything but in a part of town she wasn't familiar with. It was the second day. She was on the patio and just started weeping. No one was around. There was an epic nordic pine shading the sun.
Lance came out. Of course. She could see him wonder fast if he should turn around when he immediately clocked the misery, but instead she wiped her eyes and he asked, "why are you crying?"
She took a millisecond to get it together enough to speak, "I don't know. It's all beautiful, but it's so heavy isn't it?"
"yeah, it is heavy."
all the memories. so many of them were gorgeous and glorious
but sweetness follows
and there was a bunch of pain in the sauce.
These kids didn't know.
"I lost something I really loved, and I'm afraid it was because I'll never get companionship that suits me again. I look at you and remember when I wanted you so much I would cut a pinky toe off - maybe a foot but you'd think I was less beautiful if I did that... and now, you're my friend. you live a life that makes me cry in envy. I could never have given you that. I can barely remember a time when I cared about decorating my house and having someone observe my particles...fuck. I'm a dork."
He understood completely. He always had.
"Do you want to micro dose on shrooms."
"Of course."
---
and it was lovely. I sat on walls overlooking cemeteries I had wondered in thirty years ago and some of it looked the same and some of it didn't. I ate at the globe so many times. it was always excellent.
---
She drove home in a daze. She came home in a funk. She layed on a floor in a dark planet screaming without noise and weeping with lots of noise and crawling and crawling and moaning and ... all of it.
By Tuesday, she slept.
On Woden's Day, she felt alive for the first time.
but don't fucking push it.
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