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Halloween.
the start of the holiday season. I'll get through it - it will just suck - the comparison to last year.
I texted him last night - some fucking sentimental thing - sent the video of fucking Rumpus and referenced last year. Obviously, it was humiliating, but I comforted myself that it's not like "you fucked up missy. I was JUST about to text you but not now - fucking pathetic chaser."
and halloween. last year. waking up.
and I remember it all so fucking vividly it makes me cry (I've got a lot of hormones cruising through my bod)... and the Marriott in that super cool hotel room view. we were probably just getting up. It's about 8:45. I was worried about the cat and the door cam busting me for not being there to feed it it's breakfast on schedule - worried so much about not being "good daughter". God I wish I had some balls. so I can't remember if we fucked that morning - but maybe. He took a shower. We left Atlanta and headed for the burbs.
I was dressed in my triple (soon to be quadruple) plaid costume. It was the best I had, but I don't think anyone recognized it as a costume. I was so happy and nervous. I loved him. I love him. I was a fucking fool.
I should have written this like a story, but I just want to get it out - the pain.
we go to Buford highway and picked up some Bahn mi from "the best place. I haven't had them in three years". They were great. Maybe I'll get some when I go back.
We get to my parent's house. I feed that cat like a champion. Then what to do. We eat our Bahn mi and watch the boob tube. Halloween movies and a marathon. After a while we go to target and then go on a walk in the wooded path near my parents. I bought a black hoodie that I Never wear and he commented, "are you trying to be like me now?". I left the shoplifter prevention tag on it. It made me laugh.
"when are you ever going to show me the mystery you're writing."
"you mean the mystery I'm never going to finish?" (I finished it). We had never been on the path before, so we asked directions and joked when they said, "you can't get lost". I was so in love - so scared it would end (it did).
we got back to the house. and continued the halloween marathon. it might have been on the third one by now.
(God time is moving so fast this morning when I need more.)
No trick or treaters came. Maybe I didn't even leave the porch light on. He gave me some gummies he had brought - I had asked him. He was so generous. He gave me like all he had, "I'll be in Detroit soon. I can get more. have them." I was grateful. He took like the smallest amount. He didn't get affected. I got super stoned. He asked me to pick a movie. I chose "past lives" because someone on the plane back from Dublin said it was great.
Leon said he was going to bed - not going to watch it. We picked another thing then - something really beautiful that he had already seen. I forget. I think it was sci fi. I didn't care. I was just tripping that this man was in my parents house with me.
He went to bed. It was like he didn't want me to follow him, but I only lasted a few minutes, and I joined him, "you're really stoned aren't you." he said. I took it as an insult. I tried to act cool. I got the book that sucks "I like dick" and started reading it but then fell asleep. I definitely don't think we fucked.
We woke up. It was November. He researched breakfast places as Waffle House was silly crowded. It was a hilarious charity place. We came back to the house and he packed to leave.
"next time we see each other, we'll be heading to Wilmington. You're still coming?"
"absolutely."
he came.
I missed Wordle today by the way - yahoo. add it up.
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