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Wonky
 
 



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post #91
bio: kristen
perma-link
5/17/2005
08:18

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Category List
The ones about love
The ones about men


Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

You know I want to write to you, but I don't know what to say. For the first time, I feel like there is a constipation in my voice. For lack of a better word - a block. I am tap tapping on these keys in hopes that something will arise if I just apply this verbal lubricant - the oil.

Part of it is that I have realized that there is no current venue from which to write where I do not have my back exposed. For instance, mark can meander up on my at the home base and boss can wander up behind at the work base. I feel like a visitor in every locale. I am unsettled.
I am bloated. My chi is stagnant.


Topic #1: Falsehoods
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I have no bullshit detector. You can tell me anything, and I would believe you. I think it is called gullible. When I start thinking I'm lied to, I begin to panic. It's strange because although I'm as forthcoming as a gusher, I do lie. When I am backed against a wall and forced to either lie or hurt you, I will lie. I am working on this.
It is a bad habit like cigarette smoking. Integrity of word baby.
Integrity of word. Of course, in a whole other way - I never lie. I only lie to those who love me.



Topic #2: sun
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It's sunny here. I have taken to sitting on some apartment lawn during lunch. Today, I was fucked up and just blobbed. A homeless man called me a gorgeous redhead. Beauty. Doesn't do it. Does do it.



Topic #3: duality
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Perhaps that is my problem is that I feel both sides today. I don't have it integrated, but I feel both. I love you. I am un-in love with you. I feel lucky. I feel tired.



Boring #4
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How could I entertain you?




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