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vague acute panic
 
 



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post #102
bio: kristen
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5/26/2005
08:25

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Another apartment was looked at today
It was fine. It would do. The carpet was atrocious, but there was a little old man who runs the place. I love old men.

Of course, now I'm in a panic to beat the band.

Could I do this? Are the omens correct? What am I doing?

Is everyone in love and having spring but me? Today, the day is grizzley with a humidity.
In a way I want to curl up in a ball and suck my thumb.

I'm hanging in until Friday, where I will sit around and do nothing on the weekends - then I will return to work and make money... then I will hang on until friday when I will sit around and do nothing.

Am I ready to do something different? to sit in a different room and do nothing?

I don't have a sunny - life is grand - column like the others. I am in a different place. I am in chaos.

Yet, it is so easy to come home - watch the hours fly and sit with mark and touch feet and watch a 'voyager' and go to bed and wake up and drink coffee and watch the hour fly and go to work and watch the time drag while I vaguely panic about what I'm doing.

My boss is off touting a hand-held fan to a customer. If accepted, we would supervise the printing of 30,000 of them with a logo and have 'the customer' delight in this gee-gaw.

If I were in love, I would be magnanimous. I would comfort you and tell you how fabulous life is and how the x-factor is just around the corner for you too my lieblens. I'm not magnanimous. I feel hot doom.
I feel unready and atrocious and I've blotches all over my skin. I don't want to leave my womb, but I know that it's just killing time.

Death to time.

I want all those happy photos I have to mean something. Mark has all of our images from way back on our mac iphoto. The screensaver is them flipping around - younger kristen - happy kristen.

I am close to tears at every juncture. I think I would break at the slightest sharpness.

This isn't any good, and I'm sorry to whinge.

You never know what is around the corner.

Quell Horreur!



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