New  »   Sunshine Jen  ·  Post-Modern Drunkard  ·  Poop Beetle  ·  Robot Journal  ·  Gator Country
Search...



«« past   |   future »»


knowing
 
 



comments[0]
all comments

post #121
bio: kristen
perma-link
6/10/2005
10:14

archives
first post
that week
XML/RSS




Category List
The ones about love
The ones about men


Previous Posts
Dutch Ultimatum
The Ludditette
Friday Party #347
The Wizard of Uz
Taking One 4 the Team
Leap and the Net Will Appear

Today, I am in my 'old' house. I am drinking wine. red. I don't know the vintage, but I'm rather sure it's alcoholic.

I don't think I'm going to watch baseball on the bar teevee with jayne and her work friends. I think I"m going to watch the prequel to 'decline of western civilization'. I think I am.

It hits me at weird times: what I've done. what i'm doing. where I'm going. Honestly, when I go down, so many around me are going up. This is always the way with me.

I think about what I've lost.

I think about you and how stupid I was to let that go bizzirk in my head. I think of how odd it is that I have no idea how to spell
bizzerk. How even spell check wants to call it bizarre. I think
about you dancing at jane's house and how you laughed that night and how I drifted into the lake and held the grail.

Imagery of lunacy.

An oracle once said that one of my main patterns is that I need an 'other'. I need someone to travel with me and have a role defined by them.

Too true. It is hard to even feel energy without you.

My brother was in the navy for a bit and talked about how you had to tread water for eight hours or some nonsense. Every now and again, I try this in a pool or the ocean or some like-minded body of water. I don't last long, but it isn't life or death to me.

I find it hard to get motivated about anything that doesn't involve creativity, healing, and love love love.




«« past   |   future »»