Pinks and whites and a clean present - time - the future happening (which is what the new year is) - infant-y imagery abounds in the dream...
So, I'm in battle with Other, and I'm doing a new "move on the chessboard". I forget what it was but some slight of cleverness/hand that would prove my emporer-like worthiness of love... I was furiously writing them on some diary and book. (self destructing par usual).
He was with me. We were in argument. I had generated this dust, or had done this part (realized yesterday because of J &J that the most intelligent and amazing of people can do parallel play. Silly sounds on both parts - both just saying quite clearly: "I love you unconditionally" "I love you - see!". This play made me instantly realize my own bounds. I am in a proving contest with no one but myself. This is whatever you would make it. I personally, am in the mood for paris, but that's another story...) Anyhoo, back to the first remembered dream of 2006: So, I'm all in the mind games and furious that lover doesn't understand, and we've been both playing them. Lover/Other is neither better than worse that me - just sees things I don't; however, I'm emphatically ruining the beauty of the pay-off I'm about to reveal... So, I'm all in my own shit, reading my handwriting in the book. His has been in there once... So, I am arguing and saying "OK, well then. What did YOU write?, and I'm livid and so ready to be wounded then enraged." I turn the page, and in simple, clear - his - handwriting. It says - with plenty of room around it (handwriting is so much more descriptive than type - animation-like, but that's another tangent:)
It says, "I love you." and I am instantly floored and released of my poisons and absolutely stunned because he's said it and done it and spoken to me. It is perfectly right and beautiful and amazing,
and I'm sure I make love to him, but I don't remember it.
Anyhoo, it's raining a la cats and dogs here. I'm listening to nouvelle vague that michele gave me. I am processing all the amazing things from this amazing new year's - such a richness of story.
I'm still enraptured by tamara/leoni and the classic high dollar hoyle decked- (in other words, the old school card decks. you'd know it if you saw it)..queen of diamonds she gave me as a keepsake.
Pascal and Ron and my lost virginity. Then the george implication.
Dual again - yellow and blue.
I loved it all and will try and stay on the tail. It's analogous to spring break in panama city, FL with ramsey, allison, and stacey and alicia and teddy.... loved it.
(I do miss the south. I have an aching need to explore and travel - well desire.)
Los Angeles is so Los Angeles. Sometimes I forget that you can get things here and just experience things here that are quite comparative and at the same time - singular.
The people who really impressed me were: -asian mod guy on the way to george's - that girl I bummed a smoke from - tamara/leilani - that guy from nashville - some other guy.
(OK, I'll give you one kristen martin moment - or rather record it for myself here in this great archival robot- .... as I'm leaving the artists party in venice ((and this is after a waffle and then finally a decide that I must stay with jayne on New Year's Eve, and if she wants to get a CD back and dance on a bar in Hollywood, I shall do it. )) It's only perfect. So, I decide that she wants to really go and I'm on the team - HOWEVER, she's talking to some other guy - brian - with josh, so here while she's hurrying ME along and saying she's got to get to birds by midnight - I - myself am ready. I had even done the "so long, farewell, a vita zehn, adieu" to the crowd ((after establishing with larelle and carolina that this was an international party with yes - the token parisians - ron and pascal - in attendence. I do my whole singing thing. I mean I KNOW few things better than "The Sound of Music", and it's DYING. The bit is not going over well at all. I'm frantically singing - picture it - "so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, adieus, I'd love to stay and drink my first champagne, yes, no, .... so long, ..." - and people are just looking at me like I'm strange. No recognition. I can't believe they don't know it. I then start doing it to other people (sort of sounding like the j.d. salinger thing at my last venice party - hmmm - a theme), nothing. So, fortuitously, larelle comes in to refill a drink. He sings it with me, and I nearly break out in tears of relief. he says "yeah, 'the sound of music' wasn't a big hit with the international crowd. only americans know it.")
whew! work is done - sartre is satisfied.... Who CARES who's judging me (thanks french ron).