College of Cardinals
Most Eminent Cardinals:
I wish to apply for the Sede Vacante announced yesterday. I have attached my resume for your consideration.
As you can see, I attended twelve years of Catholic school in my youth. Additionally, I took three years of Latin in high school. Even though I need to brush up on the vocabulary, I still have a strong understanding of grammar and conjugation.
Last year, I walked five hundred miles to Santiago de Compostela and earned a Compostela which I have framed. You can read more about my journey in my ebook available on amazon and other channels.
I also have a strong background in theatre and improv comedy. Not only do I have an appreciation for ritual, I can improvise in any performance setting. My training in musical theatre bookwriting enables me to not only appreciate the use of music in ritual but also how music can bring the listener closer to heightened state of being.
I can collaborate with many different (and sometimes difficult) personalities while working independently. I am a self-starter willing to work long hours to complete a project. I am detail oriented while never losing sight of long term goals and objectives. I believe in love and all the good stuff.
My application might seem strange, but there is precedent. In 1513, Pope Leo X was not a priest, but he was elected Pope. Even though I am not a priest, I have had other sacraments.
As for my femaleness, I will not use the legend of Pope Joan from the Middle Ages as an argument. However, let me reassure you that I have no intention of giving birth while parading through Rome.
I am available to start immediately, and I am willing to relocate to Vatican City. I will be happy to speak with you at your earliest convenience about the position. I look forward to meeting you.