I recently heard through various news media that there is a justice position open on the Supreme Court. I wish to apply for this position and have enclosed my resume for your consideration.
As you can see, I have a great deal of experience in various disfunctional office environments. I can multi-task and work independently to get the job done. I am a people person who can collaborate with different difficult personalities to finish projects and achieve goals. I also have a very pleasant phone manner and can work with people over the age of seventy.
Most importantly, I have strong writing skills which will be most beneficial to the highest court in the land. As a justice, I will write opinions which are concise, well-worded, and in simple plain-spoken English for the casual news watcher. I can also be funny and use iambic pentameter should the need arise.
Since I am in my thirties, I can sit on the bench for a good forty years, so the legacy of my appointment will travel down through generations. I also look good in black, so the robe is not a problem. It will go nicely with my Prada bag.
When you do a background check on me, you will find that my political views are quite different from yours and that I voted for that ‘other' party in the last two presidential elections. However, just think what a political mind fuck it will be when you present my name to the congress as a Supreme Court justice nominee. It will certainly throw those guys for a loop. Additionally, the mass media entertainment value of it will make Hollywood celebrities look like amateurs.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being the first woman Supreme Court justice, but then Sandra Day O'Connor knocked that dream out of the park (bitch). Now is my chance, and let me assure you Mr. President, I will be the best Supreme Court justice ever.
PS. My second great dream was to be the first American woman in space. Thanks, Sally Ride.