The Sunshine Jen Management Company will be conducting a Fire Drill on Friday.
When you hear an annoying BLEEP-BLEEP-BLEEP sound, do not be afraid. It is only a drill. However, you must promptly leave the premises, so that we can ascertain that you can leave the premises in the event of a real emergency which will have the same BLEEPing sound.
During the drill, please follow your co-workers down the stairs to the safe refuge area located conveniently in front of the Starbucks.
If you can not climb down the stairs, stay in the fireproof stairwell and send a co-worker down to inform the fire department that you need a cute fireman to rescue you. Remind your co-worker that the key word is cute.
If you make it to safe refuge area safely, do not proceed into the Starbucks until your emergency fire warden (in the nifty orange vest with flashlight and whistle) sees that you are okay and have not gone up in flames with all the new office supplies.
Once you have been confirmed as living and off the premises, you may go in and buy a coffee or other overpriced beverage.
When purchasing your coffee beverage, be certain that the lid is attached safely and that the barista is tipped properly. This is very important because baristas never forget.
When proceeding back onto the premises, you may take the elevator. However, be aware that everyone will be taking the elevator, so they will be quite crowded on the journey up.
Additionally, be aware that some of the fellow occupants of your building might not be wearing deodorant. Since they just climbed down the stairs, the results could be quite stinky.
Upon returning to your desk, it is most important to make sure that you email all your friends and let them know you had just been in a fire drill in case anything important has happened in the last half hour.
Also, we recommend using the restroom and getting a drink of water in order lengthen the amount of time of the original fire drill interruption.
Thank you for your attention on this matter. Have a pleasant day.