This weekend, it was too hot to drive, so I walked around the neighborhood and came upon the following sign at the edge of a communal green space:
So the most dangerous thing is smoking because it’s at the top of the list. Smoking is really bad for green space. It causes forest fires (I learned that from Smokey the Bear), but there’s no forest in the green space. There’s only grass and a few trees. So we can smoke on the sidewalk but not on the green space.
The next terrible thing for the green space is the dog. To this, I say, oh really? The worst thing a dog could do to the grass is poop on it. A human is completely capable of pooping on it as well. Should we ban humans from the green space?
Horse manure use to be a big problem in the cities until the automobile came along. Are we on our way to robot dogs? Did Dr. Who get it right? Then, after robot dogs, there will be robot people.
The next bad thing for the green space is alcohol or according to the picture, a cocktail. Now wait just a second. Cocktails are completely civilized. A true cocktail connoisseur will not sit in the middle of the green space and drink gallons of martini. No, a true cocktail connoisseur will sit in the middle of the green space in a very nice chair and sip lightly on the cocktail while commenting on the loveliness of the weather. Cocktail connoisseurs unite! Let us take back the green space. Or we could just go to the new bar down the street.
Finally, skateboards. I might not be in the know to the new and hip thing. Heck, I don’t own an Iphone or an Ipod. I simply I am. However, I’ve never seen a skateboarder skateboard on grass. I’m sure skateboards are capable of doing it.
Now some of you might say, oh Jen, it’s not the grass, it’s the curb between the green space and the street, and it’s dangerous because there are cars in the street. To which I might say, but aren’t skateboarders rebels by nature. By telling them to not do something, won’t they go off and do it just because they were told they can’t?
At this point, someone who was on the sign making committee might pop in with a comment that I don’t appreciate all the work they do, and they don’t put signs up for my amusement, and they don’t need some smart-alecky bloggity girl playing semantics games with their signs.
Guys, guys, I don’t mean to disrespect the subcommittees of local government. I just want a green space that I can enjoy, and this weekend, when it was too hot to drive, your sign gave me thirty minutes of enjoyment and absurdity.