Before I jump into a sorta review of Twilight: New Moon, I should fully disclose that yes, I have had sex with a vampire. It was a one-night stand back in my twenties. He definitely tried to suck the life blood right out of me. Oh well, live and learn. I’ve also had sex with a werewolf who was wild and fun but would rather run with his pack of guy friends than with me. Looking back on werewolf, I smile. Hot damn, he was fun. He could. . .never mind.
Last week, I saw Twilight: New Moon with my own pack of thirty-something female friends. I think the Twilight series is to women what Baywatch was to guys. Yeah, it’s stupid, but it’s pretty. In Twilight, we get these shirtless boys with great abs and a lot of angst. I’m a sucker for good angst. Ahhhhhh.
However, the Twilight movies have a female protagonist named Bella who has managed to keep her clothes on through two movies---it does help that she’s in Washington State where fashion consists of hoodies and fleece. Bella is a cool chick on film. Even though she has a great all-consuming love for Edward the vampire, she is pretty low key about it. When she meets up with the werewolves, she takes it all in stride. The wolf pack even jokes that she is good with weird. I actually hoped she would hook up with Mike the Normal Human just to get a little variety, but alas, he came down with the stomach flu and it was not meant to be.
Besides the vampires and werewolves, the main man in her life is still her father, the town sheriff. Maybe the Twilight series is not a study in abstinence but rather a case study in Freudian anxiety and the Electra complex. Bella takes on the role of mother in all her male relationships and tries to be a partner with her father. She might run off to Italy to rescue Edward, but she always returns to Daddy.
Seeing Twilight: New Moon on November 20, 2009 was definitely an experience in a moment in time. Thirteen year old girls can scream loud and high. They screamed at the title, they screamed at Edward, they screamed at shirtless Jacob. They threw everything they had into their screams, and I thought, go, girls, go! Don’t lose that giddiness. Don’t lose that appetite. It means you’re part of team human.
Even though I appreciated the shirtless boys acting their hearts out, I was most turned on by the bad ass vampire played by Michael Sheen. This guy had played a nice and sincere Tony Blair in The Queen and the determined David Frost in Frost/Nixon, but in New Moon, he got to be dangerous and sexy and chew the scenery as only British actors can in genre movies. He even pulled off some strange mullet-esque hair styling. He played a vampire named Aro who could read someone’s mind with just a single touch. Oh yes, if he could read my mind, what a tale my thoughts would tell. Oh yes, I definitely had met his kind of vampire before.