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post #55
bio: tim

first post
that week

Previous Posts
'I've Got Something Brand New (for that ass)'
Watch How the Zombies Scream (it's the crack)...
'tis Spring and your Mothers Cry
Mama Sang Tenor
Not Even Close to Being on Topic
To gather or collect swiftly and unceremoniously; grab

Happy Get Married Day!

It is a happy day and two humans you know are getting married. Tell them you love them by driving to work with the windows down in the heat of late, late spring. Send them photos of your new haircut from the sides, rear and most importantly the front. Do not send them the photo of you brushing your teeth, you know, the one where you placed the camera inside of the microwave and set to automatic, the one that didn't quite look as good as you had hoped.

While you count cells today, think of them in the big city, dressed to the nines, telling the world to get in line, our time is now. When you next visit, there will be rings on fingers and stolen glances from across the room. Prepare to be stymied by his casual grace at the grill. Make him make your steak medium rare, and then go on and on about how good it was.

When using their new married person's shower, take care to make it nice. Wash the hairs down the plug hole, making the appearance as if they were never there in the first place. Fold nicely the towels in the bathroom, not leaving them in a pile on the floor, wet and soggy. Pre-plot the trajectory of the fingernail from finger to toilet bowl. Be sure to include shoe size, clipper age and window openness into the fascinatingly complex equation.

While eating your third cookie of the morning, chew loudly and make noises so that your co-workers may share in your joy.

Happy Get Married Day!
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