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post #85
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bio: victoria


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7:56 AM
Monday, March 7, 2005

› by victoria

I absolutely, positively, feel like shit. I should not be at school. I have been crying all morning.
Why, you may ask?

Well, the inevitable (I wish it wasn't inevitable, but it seems to absolutely be like trying to steer the Titanic away from an iceberg) happened. BF quit his job at Outpost.

He came home at 7:56 Am. I was getting dressed for school. I knew something was wrong instantly, I mean, for one thing, he shouldn't have been home until while I was gone as school around 1 PM. He was just absolutely furious. Everyone at work had been jumping on him. I don't see why they had to be such antagonists, but I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

For me, it was like. "Oh shit."

More like "Welcome back to worry-town. Stress city. Ulceropia."

It was just overwhelming. I couldn't believe it. It makes me so angry. We go through all the trouble to find him a job and now that he had a relatively good (okay) one, the other people working there had to be so unpleasant he quit.

It was bad. I cried a lot. I'm still crying, kinda, although BF made me go to school. I really don't think I should be here, but I have so much lame shit that I have to do, that I can't stay home, even though I feel like i'm going to pass out/collapse.

Outpost called about an hour after he got home. I answered the cell phone, and that made BF really upset, but I felt like I needed to have some kind of closure. The woman on the other end of the phone was being a total bitch, saying that they were going to "terminate" him, etc. I wasn't exactly all happiness and roses about him quitting, but I told the woman that it wasn't his fault, that his co-workers had been bitching at him and harping on everything he did.

Then his manager Jill called, and she was uber-apologetic. This is the worst thing, the one that's going to torment me for the rest of the day: she offered him his job back and told him that she had fired the mean woman who had been particularly cruel to him in the deli dept, and he REFUSED his old job. I don't know. It just seems so totally the opposite of what i would do. I would swallow my pride and go back.

But I guess he's fighting for the payback. At least the really mean deli lady--and she was mean, BF was the second guy to quit because of her--was going down too.

BF insists that he will get another job. And he says that I'm so upset because i'm job/money obsessed. I don't think that's very fair. I keep on protesting that it's not all about the money. It's also about the fact that it emotionally wounds me inside that people are mean to him. I love him so much. I also feel like there's some kind of awful cycle. First he quit back at Starbucks in September, now Outpost.
And it's like, I'm not earning enough $ right now to pay rent, let alone make ends meet. I am on the verge of a serious breakdown. Hell, I'm already crying my eyes out in the computer lab at school waiting for my advisor to come and look at my shitty photoshop project. If I were earning more money, if I didn't have midterms this week, maybe I wouldn't be so upset. Right now I'm hating the fact that I'm stuck at school until like 7 PM tonight working on the goddamn powerpoint for my stupid Public Relations group.

I am so totally broken-down.

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