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post #86
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bio: victoria


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my life as a ipod shuffle
Tuesday, March 8, 2005

› by victoria

the way I was thinking about it today, my life is like an ipod shuffle. I never know what song is going to be on next.

I cried gut-wrenching-hard-core throw-it-all-down-to-wring-it-all-out hard sobbing, last night and most of this morning. I think BF knows how upset I am. I don't really know how to feel right now, though. I'm kind've in this numb state of "floatiness" where I'm scared to let myself feel anything. I have to get through midterms week. I have to write my english midterm (speaking of which, bad news about that: she gave us 2 really long questions. I thought we only had to answer one of the two, it turns out that we have to answer BOTH. How unfair is that? so I guess I have to start mashing my mind around comparing Wordsworth's "Ulysses" with "Odysseus"s narrative tonight. I will tackle the AENEID & ORLANDO FURIOSO question tomorrow). I have to do my Public Relations presentation. I have to take care of Student Fine Arts Night, and arrange the mural project, and deal with filling out my taxes with my dad, and try to fix my graphic design project, and try to catch up in Philosophy because I missed class on monday morning.

That is why I can't let myself feel anything.

Also, I was thinking about it, and it's like I'm right back to where I was before. Which is a better way to look at it, than looking at it as though the rug was pulled out from under me while I was brushing my teeth, so I slipped and hit my head against the sink and chipped a tooth... No, it's where I was before, and I'll move on from it. I am going to try to stay cool and collected. I won't break out sobbing, really loud. I made it to school today: I sat through all my classes, I did well at my internship, the nice African-American security guard who works at the museum where my internship is said that I have a "lovely smile" and I should smile more. I'm at work right now.

if my life is an Ipod shuffle, it's a super-messed up one.
On sunday, I was playing Morcheeba's "Rome Wasn't Built in a Day"
On Monday, I was playing Salt Fare, North Sea

Today, I think I am playing a mixture of lots of different things.
I think I am playing primarily this song, called "Altrove" by the group Morgan, which is stuck in my head:
I will translate the lyrics for you (using my brain, not a translator like Babelfish cuz that would just be silly...although translating, you tend to lose a lot of the gist of the song, and I'd recommend downloading it because it's very pretty and the lyrics don't sound silly when they're in the original language with the just seems meaningful right now to me, at least)

Però, (cosa vuol dire però) (Although...what does that word say, 'although'
Mi sveglio col piede sinistro (I get up from bed with my right foot)
Quello giusto (the correct one)

Forse Già lo sai (It seems that already I know
che a volte la follia (that at times the silly/foolish thing to do)
Sembra l'unica via ( Seems like the only way)
Per la felicità (To reach happiness)

C'era una volta un ragazzo (Once there was a guy)
chiamato pazzo (whom everyone called crazy)
e diceva sto meglio in un pozzo (who said I would be better off in a well)
che su un piedistallo (Than I would be on a pedestal)

Oggi indosso (Today I put on)
la giacca dell'anno scorso (The Jacket of last year)
che così mi riconosco (And so I knew who I was again)
ed esco (and left)

Dopo i fiori piantati (After the planted flowers)
quelli raccolti (those that are harvested)
quelli regalati (given as presents)
quelli appassiti (those that fade)

Ho deciso (I've decided)
di perdermi nel mondo (to lose myself in the world)
anche se sprofondo (even if I sink)
lascio che le cose (I'm going to let everything)
mi portino altrove (take me elsewhere)
non importa dove (it doesn't matter where
non importa dove

Io, un tempo era semplice ( time it was simple)
ma ho sprecato tutta l'energia (But I wasted all of my energy)
per il ritorno (for the return)

Lascio le parole non dette (leave the words unsaid)
e prendo tutta la cosmogonia (and take all of the cosmogonia...)
e la butto via ( and throw it away)
e mi ci butto anch'io (and i threw myself away too)

Sotto le coperte (under the covers)
che ci sono le bombe (where there are bombs)
è come un brutto sogno (and it's like a bad dream)
che diventa realtà ( when they become reality)

Ho deciso (I've decided)
di perdermi nel mondo (to lose myself in the world)
anche se sprofondo ( even if I sink...)

Applico alla vita (apply to your life)
i puntini di sospensione (the connect-the-dots of chaos)
Che nell'incosciente (because when you're hell-bent)
non c'è negazione (there is no denial)
un ultimo sguardo commosso all'arredamento (one last emotional look at the furniture)
e chi si è visto, s'è visto (and whom you see, you see)

Svincolarsi dalle convinzioni (Free yourself from the beliefs)
dalle pose e dalle posizioni (the poses, and the locations)

Lascio che le cose (I'm going to let everything)
mi portino altrove (take me elsewhere)
altrove (elsewhere)
altrove (elsewhere)

Svincolarsi dalle convinzioni
dalle pose e dalle posizioni

Svincolarsi dalle convinzioni
dalle pose e dalle posizioni

it's a very pretty song. mellow, and flexible, and easy to put my tired brain around. hopefully my ipod shuffle will move to Otis Redding's "I Can See Clearly Now". I hope.

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