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bio: victoria


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the virtues of annoying songs
Tuesday, January 10, 2006

› by victoria

...that get stuck in your head, or help you inflict pain and revenge upon others. especially on long car trips. muwahahaha.

The thing is, "annoying music" varies from person to person. So, while I might find White Lion's 80's hair metal rendition of the "Transformers" theme truly righteous, someone else would define it as torture. Same with my enjoyment of the Golden Throats CD series. Biff doesn't like my taste in music very much. (*But to balance that out; He does think that my taste in reading material is superb). In fact, he thinks my taste in music leans towards the shitty. Which is probably true. I mean, why else would I own albums like "Jackin' Boots" by 4 P.M. (*I bought it in the bargain bin...come to think of it, I buy a lot of music from bargain bins) or that one random CD which has one of the worst songs I've ever heard on it (the one where they sing "I told you thirty thousand feet/ was just too far to fall" and then include the sound of a guy falling from a plane)...or John Bowtie Barstow's Holiday classics.

Anyways, so I'm eminently qualified to be a bad music expert. Which is why when I read this random article--I can't remember how I found it--on about how "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas was the worst deliberately-bad pop song ever, that started me musing on the subject of what makes a song bad/annoying. In order to be truly bad/annoying, a song must be timeless.

So my short-list of the best of the worst in annoying music, in no particular order (and please don't be offended by my selections should one of your fave artists make the cut--people always hate the Spice Girls, and they're one of my all-time favorites):

--"Wild Horses" by Garth Brooks. Nothing is quite as bad as the unearthly howl of "Waaiiillldd Horrrrrrrrssess." Plus it gets unmercifully stuck in your head. Like a brain tumor.

--"All In the Family" by Korn. Or anything by Korn. Their music gets stuck in your head even worse than Garth Brooks. My younger sister was obsessed with Korn back in the late 90's and since her room was directly adjacent to mine, had a thin wall, and a gigantic stereo, I suffered through all of Korn's albums up to "Untouchables" so often that I knew all the lyrics. Actually, thinking on the subject...

--Anything by Tool. But their music doesn't get stuck in your head so much as induce migraines through deliberate cacophany.

--"Informer" by Snow. Although I'd actually enjoy the hypothetical situation of hearing this sung by drunk people at a kareoke bar.

--"I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65. Yes, I own their album "Europop" but that song (like "My Humps") incorporates lots of repetition...LOTS and lots of repetition. Eugh.

Hmm. this list is trickier to right than i thought it would be.

--"Santa Claus is Coming to Town". The most annoying song that they play during the holiday retail season...the worst rendition was the one they played in our local Walgreens, where they just kept repeating SAAAANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN (SANTA!)...SAAAANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN!. It was brutal.

--"Christmas Picnic" by The Wiggles. "We're having a picnic...on the beach/And it's Christmas Day! Bring all your friends/ We'll have some food/ Let's all laugh and play" It's a nice sentiment, but oh lordy. You haven't heard annoying until you've heard the Wiggles. Especially anything involving Dorothy the Dinosaur or Captain Feathersword (everyone's favorite gay pirate!). The worst is when you catch yourself singing a Wiggles song out of nowhere--after hearing it once.

okay, that's as far as my list is getting today. Ideas/suggestions/songs that you really hate are always welcome suggestions.

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