an open letter to the men of the world,
Gentlemen, I know we ladies like to torment you. It happens every day with loaded questions like “does this dress make me look fat?” or “how does my ass look in these jeans?” or the very one I am guilty of “how old do you think I am?” – I would like to give you some advice (which really by now should be common sense – but you are men and you are flawed).
#1 – a woman ALWAYS looks beautiful in her cloths (never answer question #1 with a “yes” or “not when you stand like that” or “sure honey”). Be nice, not condescending and you should still have an arm in the morning.
#2 – correct answers for this should be “HOT! I just want to take a bite of it” or again something nice. Please don’t use the word badonkadonk to describe a woman’s ass. I mean that word went out when country music started using it – yeah Trace Adkins sings “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” – so bad!
#3 – this one is tricky because it involves math. The correct answer to a woman’s age should be whatever number you actually think minus ten. But if you are really unsure a safe age would be late 20’s early 30’s. Got that!
Now I know because I have grey hair people may think I am older (a lot older) than I am. Last night the guy at the bodega told me that my husband was a lucky man because I have such beautiful salt & pepper hair. I should have taken this back handed comment and left I mean come on he thinks I am married but I went ahead and asked “how old do you think I am?” and I was SHOCKED to hear 46. Forty Six WHAT THE FUCK! Seriously 46. I mean YES grey hair makes people think you are older but that would be if they are not looking at your face. I looked right at this guy and was like 46 – seriously! I have a young face and young hands, there is NO WAY I look 46. And I refuse to spend 2 hours a week dying my hair just to make me look younger. I rather spend those two hours out doing something fun, enjoying life. So fuck you bodega man – you will never be a member of my salt & pepper club.
So to wrap this up gentlemen, women always look good and are forever young. Get that right and you will live a happy life.