New  »   Sunshine Jen  ·  Post-Modern Drunkard  ·  Poop Beetle  ·  Robot Journal  ·  Gator Country
The 30 Hottttest things you can say to a naked woman
I have always wondered if there is a Cosmopolitan for men, and it looks like Men's Health fits the bill. As you know, Cosmo is great for lists of things to turn on your man or make him commit - things that are either so absurdly self-evident or nauseatingly contrived, it is hard not to read it as parody.

But reading the men's version of these lists, Kiff and I could not stop laughing. It was like a how-to list for retarded soap opera actors with control issues:

Here is an outtake from the list:
1. (Say) "Good Morning" (!!!!!)
2. "Is it okay with you if I take this slow?"
8. Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito.(italics mine)
9. Her name - her full name - followed by "wow"
14. I love your [fill in body part here]
15. Nothing. Total, deliberate silence. You can stare at her, grab her, touch her, but don't makea sound. If she tries to talk, place a finger at her lips.
21. Any use of the word hot, especially "you're so hot"
22. "Squeeze my hand when it feels really amazing."
28. Playful Laughter.
29. Don't ever leave me.

I have to say that #15 would actually scare me. And the thought of forced, playful laughter followed by "don't ever leave me" was something out of an Owen Wilson film. You can't make this shit up.

The best part of this was how it got me to stop thinking about the spectre of Stephen Harper as PM that has been preoccupying me of late. Then I imagined Harper as the guy in the list. And then I lost my appetite.

«« past   |   future »»

«« past   |   future »»

Previous Posts
What's a Nice Jewish Girl Doing With a Tree Like This?
How To Celebrate Mother's Day When You've Lost Your Mom
Cassette Players Were A Pain, But There Was Nothing More Romantic Than A Mixtape
The Joys of Raising Your Kid Downtown
The Virtues of the Yoga Date
I Loved Your Wedding But Please Stop Telling Us to Get Married

all comments

post #1127
bio: adina

wish list
first post
that week

Share This

Category List
bun in the oven
February Smackdown
me likey
monkey cake
open letters

My Links
Prashant's blog
Gabriel on Flickr
my flickr account