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post #170
bio: stu

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· The Flaming R. Kelly
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· Chuck Klosterman
· Deadwood, Seasons 1 & 2

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Notes on Sobriety
Republicans Are Tough Guys
Brain Fog
Clown Posse
Uber, but For Wrong Numbers
On the Greatest Political Satire of the 21st Century

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End Time Math
On an unair-conditioned subway car this morning, stuck under the East River, I learned something striking that I must share with everyone right now. It really is that vital. The End is Nigh!

We must give ourselves over to Jesus immediately, trust in the Lord our God, and we will be fine, though probably a little uncomfortable during the End Times before we die. But that's nothing compared to the eternity of hellfire and torment that awaits us in Hell.

We can trust this because the dimensions of the Great Pyramid in Egypt--built by Jews before the Exodus--reveals God's plan for us, in simple math, the universal language. You see, the Jewish slaves built a secret message to us right under the Pharaoh's nose, and we would be fools not to heed it.

I didn't have any scratch paper on me to take notes this morning, but I assure you, the holy numbers of seven and twelve featured very strongly in this message. Seven, of course, being the number of days it took God to create the earth, and twelve being the number of people Jesus would choose to follow him. Also, the number of the tribes of Israel.

You may remember Israel. It's been in the news lately.

But I digress. The point is, the End Times are coming, foretold by Jesus and St. John and the Jews in the Great Pyramid. Listen to the signs!

I'd have more for you, but I had to get off at the 7th Avenue stop.

7th Avenue. Seven. The holy number.

You see. It's true. It really is.

Even more significant, it was the 7th Avenue and 53rd Street stop.

Seven plus five plus three. That equals 15.

15. You heard me right. The number of people at the Last Supper, if you include the waiter and the sommelier.

I love it when a prophecy comes together.

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