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They're coming tomorrow.
I'm working on not giving a shit.
Currently, I'm like "come on - judge away. you can't be harsher than me, but Jesus god I wish you'd love me once WITHOUT all the fucking helpful hints."
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everyone asks me why I love you.
They can't see it.
"Why do you love him? you seem so much better than him. He could definitely not do better than you."
I think they're mad.
I find you madly attractive. It's for the best reason.
I have no real clue, but I'll spend this essay giving it a spew.
You're magic.
Can you believe that's the first thing I thought of when I paused and waited. Let me see the next one...
You see me. You're calm. You motivate me. You have qualities that I want. I love how boss you are - how confident - how boundaried. obvi, it drives me nuts - those boundaries - but I love them.
It was hilarious to me that all the places you had lived, if you count my three months in KC, MO - I had also lived. I have one additional to you though - LA.
It amused me that we have the exact same tenure with our company. It was hilarious that I have your birthday tattooed to my hand. And I loved your voice - the accent the cadence of it.
What was underneath all that - I loved it too. I loved that you wanted to be a singer. I loved that your first car was my favorite kind of car.
What am I going to say next? that we have the same favorite color. Well, no - because I don't actually know your favorite color, and mine changes on my mood. currently, I like deep forest green and dark peacock blue.
and I love the things you do to manage yourself. god I'm envious of it - the patterns the rituals - gym, woods walk, crossword puzzle, jeopardy, sons, drinks at hi-lo. It's beautiful.
you're beautiful to me.
no one sees it.
I definitely understand.
I loved all the sports regalia you have always in your car. I love that your grandmother made gloves and your great grandfather was a furrier. I love that your parents were both cool New York artists. I love that your brother is crazy and lives in London. I love the names you chose for your children.
I love that you win chili cook off contests. One of my hugest regrets is that I didn't stay at your house to taste it when you invited me after the mindfuck that Wilmington's last night was... but regrets, I've had a few million.
I love that you made this show about temps in New York and called it toilet. I love that there are not one but two junior folks at work who idolize you. I love that you are adored. I love your generosity and how you gave me your last gummies and when I needed a pen, you gave me four and all the gifts - even the beautiful radishes.
what else.
what else.
I love but am confused that you drove two hours to see me every week. it confuses me because you never asked me to reciprocate. I always invited myself.
I love that you are so adventurous. You have tried everything. You have amazing taste in food. I love that you collect al pastor experiences.
I love your two superb sofas, your environmental ethics. I love your passion for politics, that you don't care about the expense for heat. I love your hair. I love your admirers. How you can talk to anyone - how fucking funny you are - your brilliant mind...
this is so childish, and I'm cool with it.
I don't care. I just want to get it all out.
(Let them come. Let them judge. Get it over with)
I love you.
I love you.
fuck.
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