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The Last Jedi. . .sorta

Wow, I can still remember my password. Anyway, two years ago today (the fourth!), I posted a review of Force Awakens, and now it's time to talk about The Last Jedi. Remember when it was three years between Star Wars movies?

So I'm traveling back to happy robot to be among my fellow robots to talk about the new Star Wars movie. I know here I am among Star Wars lovers, those fans who remember the Dixie cups and underroos.

I have always been more of a Han girl than a Luke girl. Even though I respected Luke's quest to be a Jedi, I always much preferred watching Han with his swagger and his tight pants and never-tell-me-the-odds attitude. I liked the wookiee and the Millennium Falcon. She might not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.

In the new movie, there is a moment when the Millennium Falcon shows up in the knick of time for a fight, and I felt a little tear form in my eye. Yes, there she goes. She's still fast enough for you, old man.

I will warn you now that if you haven't seen the movie and don't want to know what happens, STOP READING NOW. I'm going to jump all over the place. One of the reasons is that I got a Christmas cold right after I saw the movie, so I'm slightly high on tea and cough syrup.

So Han is dead. Yep, he's still dead. He doesn't come back as an apparition. He doesn't leave a video where he reads his will and leaves everything to Chewie. Kylo Ben Ren Ben killed Han in the last movie, and Han's still very much dead. And by dead, he's gone. . . until the new Young Han Solo movie comes out whenever that will be.

Another fun character missing from The Last Jedi is Lando. Where is Lando? He was a General in the Rebellion. Did he just retire to Cloud City? Where is the big smoothie?

So no Han. No Lando. We've got Leia leading the Rebellion Resistance. All right, go sister. But things aren't going too well for the ex-princess especially when she is blown out into space.

Leiaaaaaa innnnnnn spaaaaaaaaace.

Did Carrie Fisher have that in her contract? Did she say to Lucasfilm, you know, I really would love to be out in space? Did Lucasfilm say, uhm, you would die out in space? But she doesn't die. She has the force!

I found myself thinking of David Bowie when that scene happened. Can you hear me General Leia? Can you hear me General Leia? She was floating in a most peculiar way.

I like Leia in these new movies. Of course, she would be the survivor. She just has the knack for it. Maybe she keeps the Force in her hair. Yes, there's a hair joke.

However, best hair goes to Laura Dern's purple hair. This whole word's just wild at heart and weird on top. At first, I felt she was wasted and a place holder while Leia recovered from space. Then, she shut up Poe mansplaining their predicament, and she did get the best use of a hyper drive ever. Wait, the Rebellion is just figuring this out now?

The kids are back, and they've made new friends. Rey has a strange bond with Kylo Ren Ben Ren (the Force, who knew?). Finn meets Rose. She doesn't have any special powers, but she's smart and she doesn't give up. Finn does not shout, you have to swim Rose!!! Poe is kind of an ass, but Leia likes him because he's got some swagger like. . . .

Then there's Luke. Even though I was a Han girl, I liked Luke, I respected Luke. Luke was courageous. In Empire, Yoda and Obi Wan are all like, don't confront Vader! But Luke's like, I've gotta help my friends, I'm going. Luke always jumped into the middle of it. He might lose a limb, but he didn't back down. He showed up.

Now in this movie, we get old Luke. Regrets, he's got a few. I felt his stuff with Rey totally dragged on and on. Look, in Empire (which this movie totally borrows from), Luke shows up on Dagobah, meets Yoda who pretends to not be Yoda, then in the next scene reveals himself as Yoda, then agrees to train him. We know there will be a training aspect to Rey being there. Can we just get on with it? But nooooo, she has extreme force power, and this scares Luke. She not only has the force. She has the FORCE just like Kylo Ren Ben Ren. Plus she has a mental link with him. Whoahhhh. And before you can say, Return of the Jedi, she knows she can bring him back to the good side.

Okayyyyy. And there's magic trees, caves, and sacred books. And those little birdies that make Chewie go all vegan. To me, it felt like the movie was piling stuff on because it was stalling or wanted to explore every single idea it could.

Speaking of stalling, jumping to post Snoke death, when Luke finally confronts Kylo Ren Ben Ren (I just like typing his name that way). Talk about the biggest stall in the history of space war movies. There's the whole Empire First Order, and they're waiting because Kylo has to play light sabers? Poor General Lux. He was ready to bring fire and pain as he pulverizes the last rebel into rock powder. But no, they're holding.

And Luke's not even there. Biggest tease ever in a Star Wars movie. Sure, it probably would have taken him too long to raise his X-wing out of the North Sea and fly there. But he's not physically present. Yes, it's cool we don't see his footprints in the sand, and that he's just standing there after the bad guys fire everything at him. So is he dead? Or is he partying in the Force with Yoda and Obi Wan? Leia says he's gone. Sure, after Empire, we all sat there like so is Vader Luke's father??? But this feels a little too much like a tease. For what? I don't know. Next movie!

For, now they're all on Millenniumm Falcon, I hope they get some time to play hologram creature chess. Just let the wookiee win. House rules.

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